VMS VERSION 4.1: (An official DEC memo)
Please stop submitting SPR's. This is our system. We designed it,
we build it, and we use it more than you do. If there are some
features you think might be missing, if the system isn't as
effective as you think it could be, TOUGH. Give it back, we don't
need you. See figure 1.
(slashdot whitespace filter won't allow the ASCII art middle finger graphic that should be here)
Forget about your silly problems, let's take a look at some of the
features of the VMS operating system.
1) Options. We've got lots of them. So many in fact, that you need
two strong people to carry the documentation around. So many
that it will be a cold day in hell before half of them are used.
So many that you are probably not going to do your work right
anyway. However, the number of options isn't all that important,
because we picked some interesting values for the options and
2) Defaults. We put a lot of thought into our defaults. We like
them. If we didn't, we would have made something else be the
default. So keep your cotten-picking hands off our defaults.
Don't touch. Consider them mandatory. "Mandatory defaults" has
a nice ring to it. Change them and your system crashes, tough.
See figure 1.
3) Language Processors. They work just fine. They take in source,
and often produce object files as a reward for your efforts. You
don't like the code? Too bad! You can even try to call
operating system services from them. For any that you can't, use
the assembler like we do. We spoke to the language processor
developers about this, they think a lot like we do. They said
"See figure 1.".
4) Debuggers. We've got debuggers, one we support and one we use.
You shouldn't make mistakes anyway, it is a waste of time. We
don't want to hear anything about debuggers, we're not
interested. See figure 1.
5) Error logging. Ignore it. Why give yourself an ulcer? You don't
want to give us the machine to get the problem fixed and we probably
can't do it anyway. Oh, and if something breaks between 17:00 and
18:00 or 9:30 and 10:30 or 11:30 and 13:30 or 14:30 and 15:30 don't
waste your time calling us, we're out. See figure 1.
6) Command Language. We designed it ourselves, it's perfect. We
like it so much we put our name on it, DCL - Digital's Command
Language. In fact we're so happy with it, we designed it once
for each of our operating systems. We even try to keep it the
same from release to release, sometimes we blow it though. See
7) Real Time Performance. We got it. Who else could have done such
a good job? So the system seems sluggish with all those priority
18 processes, no problem, just make them priority one. Anyway,
realtime isn't important anymore like it used to be. We changed
our groups name to get rid of the word realtime, we told all our
realtime users to see figure 1 a long time ago.
In conclusion, stuff your SPR. Love VMS or leave it, but DON'T complain.