Compare that to download from anywhere & install, which is the way with FSF software
True, but provisioning files are a security feature. It is one of the many reasons that virus are much more difficult to create for iOS. If you can sign your own software that makes software installation more difficult.
Now yes, you can get some agreement with Apple if you are big, successful, and/or have cash
This is not some mystery. You pay a nominal fee and you can run your own server replacing some of the functionality. Many of the MDM's include the enterprise SDK and some are sold on a per device per month basis.
Of course they mean DOWNLOAD from the Apple iTunes cloud services. Go try and play that video on your GNU/Linux box.
I can play non-DRMed content that I buy from the Apple ITunes services fine on a GNU/Linux box. I can also stream / share that content to a GNU/Linux box even if it is DRMed (obviously there needs to be a Mac in the loop somewhere). So even that description is not accurate. The problem isn't the store the problem is the DRM. The publisher determines if they want Apple to apply DRM or not, that's not Apple doing anything but enabling the choice for publishers. Some movies don't have DRM. It is reasonable to object to them enabling this. It is reasonable to object to the publishers choosing this. It is simply false to claim that Apple is regulating every use of every movie.
The Apple software distribution model prevents John Smith from releasing software for iOS without getting approval from Apple in any feasible way.
That's still not true you still need to weaken it one more step. The iOS software distribution model prevents John Smith from releasing non-enterprise software for iOS without getting approval from Apple in any feasible way. Microstrategy which AFAIK sells more iOS software than anyone else in the world has very little of their product in the App store. They just don't sell on a $2.99 basis to individuals.
Another way of saying this is that Apple provides a regulated consumer ecosystem. One can certainly argue the advantages and disadvantages of a regulated consumer ecosystem vs. a fully open one. But mischaracterizing and misdescribing Apple's policies and technology do not aide that conversation. Anyway you cut it the FSF is either being incredibly sloppy or dishonest in their critique and that deserves criticism.
Again if the FSF doesn't like Apple's policies why not run their own enterprise SDK and allow people to point to their systems instead of Apple's? Apple fully supports this. They don't need to do anything tricky here.