Welcome to either "what not to do on a resume 101", or "how to spot a professional academic".
You describe a CV, not a resume - And no, not the same thing.
A resume should have a statement of intent that basically mirrors the job listing, and should focus on your relevant skills, your relevant education, your relevant certs, your relevant and most recent work experience, and nothing else. If you can't get to the point in one, maybe two pages, I hate to break it to you but HR has no interest in actually reading your mini-essay on all your hobbies and how working as a burger flipper 20 years ago made you a better person and how you found French Lit so wonderful you minored in it.
Now, for a CV, yes, you can describe everything you ever did. You have extra sections relevant to academics, such as publications. But for a resume, no. Cut it to just the bones.