And a dog named "Mongo".

... and still I can't get more than 1GB/s LAN for any reasonable cost. Why is 10GB Ethernet so expensive? Why can't I use any of these new technologies for my LAN?

Inb4 'you don't need it'. I do. In my home business I regularly transfer terabytes of data around.

The first daughter's name is MySQL? I should introduce her to my nephew, little Tommy ;'Drop Tables.

But is MariaDB web scale?

I kept getting weird endorsements, like an endorsement for "Perl" from someone who needs help to find the ON button on his computer, and certainly has no idea what Perl is or why I should be endorsed for it.
So I added a new skill to my profile: "Cromulence". Now I can catch all the blind endorsements from people who don't know what they are clicking on.

I met an old acquaintance in a deli that I hadn't seen since grade school. When I got back to my office, my Linked page suggested I might know this person. I looked out at the parking lot to see if there was a LinkedIn van following me! That was creepy. Then I figured out that the person must have looked at my profile, and that was enough to trigger it.

I am dealing with a woman who is in court because she has a restraining order and LinkedIn emailed her ex-husband with something that appears to be from her. She knew nothing about it. He is accusing her of contacting him and violating the restraining order. After looking at the email, I can understand their point - it does appear to be from her.

That would be true if it weren't for one of the unspoken sub-rules of "this", which is the first poster of "this" is stating that the group-think agrees with the statement. Any post stating "this" after the first "this" is uncalled for, repetitive, adds nothing, and goes against the customs and practices of "this" posting.

There can only be one "this", is only slightly less true than there can only be one "first post".

Why do you pretend to not understand common slang and shortcuts? Do you also talk like Data from Star Trek?

"This" is shorthand for "I agree very much with this statement". The implication is the statement you agree with is so strongly and obviously true that you don't need to say more than "this".

Sometimes it is followed by additional points you would like to add to the statement.

HAHA Good 'ol days. I wrote a little 6502 code that intercepted the keyboard input and every time it saw an "S" it spit out a "TH" to the system. I called it "LITHP".
It drove the teachers nuts.

I was at a campground and this teenager was waving his laser around the campfire. I asked him not to point it at people but after a few minutes he was back at it. All it takes is a fraction of a second if the laser is too powerful.

I know... cool story bro'

While I agree that a government of secrets and deception is a terrible problem, you don't have any idea what you are talking about. You half remember a quote you heard once about Marx and opium and have made up a story to explain your fuzzy recollection instead of taking the barest effort to find out what you are talking about before spouting your uninformed opinion. Go look up Marx and opium right now so that in the future, on this one point, you will no longer sound ignorant.

I was waiting for someone to bring this up.

Orson Scott Card is rabidly anti-gay? Methinks he doth protest too much! Don't forget the trick the naked adolescent boy used in the shower battle was to make himself wet and slippery so the other boy couldn't get a good grip on him. And the adults were watching the naked wet slippery adolescent boys wrestling in the shower over hidden video cameras.

I homeschool my kids because I want them to get a better education. They are two grades above public school level. And yes, they understand evolution.

Holy shit, where do you live?

I am self-employed in New York and I pay $1,500/month for shitty family medical insurance with a $6,000 deductible. None of us has been to the doctor for more than a checkup in years.