Tell them your home address is 1060 W Addison, Chicago, IL (yeah, that one's kinda lame, copying SNL is good only for laughs).
I think you mean the Blues Brothers, not SNL.
But if the competitors start cheating (like with steroids) or using sabotage (like Nancy Kerrigan), audiences don't like that, and if it happens too much, the sport starts losing audiences and falling apart (like baseball).
Sorry, but baseball has been increasing attendance the last 3 years and has recently broken its all time attendance records. Your analysis of baseball is simply not true.
Make no mistake--this is war, and China is winning because we refuse to even admit it.
China doesn't admit it either...
The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the order of space and time. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge