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Journal: Be an asshole: Enlarge your page 2

Journal by dead_puppy
This is page_enlarger.pl, version 6.6.6.  It is a small, portable Perl script that can be run across a myriad of systems.

-------- cut ----------------------

srand;
($outputfile) = @ARGV;
if($outputfile) {
   open(OUTPUTFILE, ">$outputfile") || die "couldn't open $outputfile: $!";
   select OUTPUTFILE;
}

print "<a href=\"http://goatse.cx\">\n";
$randnum = rand 10;
for($i = 0; $i < 1000; $i++) {
   printf "%d\n", $randnum;
   $randnum = rand 10;
}
print "</a>\n";

-------- cut ----------------------

Change as you like - this is software is protected by the GPL and RMS's body odor.  Run it w/ or w/o an output file (defaults to STDOUT) and copy the results into the comments box.  Call it lame, call it what you will - I think it's sadder that output from this script can get past the filter (and it still hasn't been fixed yet).  Shout outs to Klerck and CmderTaco for (over)illustrating to us how shitty /code is...  Please go to CmderTaco's journal @ slashdot.org/~CmderTaco/journal for the VB version of this...
Linux

Journal: A message from the CDC on Bacillis Tacosnotus Meningitis

Journal by dead_puppy
Alternative names:

Lunix Faggotry, Katzian Slip (the multiple penetrations of Katz small organ into various mucous covered orifices of the human body)

Definition:

A disorder characterized by sudden homosexual urges and the desire to have slashdot editors ejaculate onto the sensory organs (eyes, tongue, sinus cavities) of the body. This disorder was first published by the late J.W. Troll, Esq., and the paper can be found here.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors:

Bacillis Tacosnotus Meningitis is a form of neurosnotus, which is a progressive life-threatening complication of Tacosnotus infection.

The disorder resembles syphilis. There is inflammation of the scrotum (the membranes that cover the testicles and lower penis). Tacosnotus may cause purlent discharge around the site of initial infection, as well as psychologic changes (e.g. poor grammar compounded by even worse spelling), the most prominant change being in temper (e.g. modstorming).

Bacillis Tacosnotus Meningitis affects approximately 7000 out of 550,000 slashdot readers. Risks include previous Tacosnotus infection, or previous infection with other sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea (which may hide symptoms of Tacosnotus infection). Tacosnotus infections are transmitted primarily through sexual contact with a slashdot editor's infected lesions, but may be transmitted by nonsexual contact(e.g. sitting on the same toilet other slashdot editors had sat on).

Prevention:

Adequate treatment and follow-up of primary Tacosnotus infections will reduce the risk of developing Tacosnotus Meningitis.

Avoidance of Linux zealots (a common carrier of Bacillus Tacosnotus, as well as sewer rats) will reduce the risk of transmission. It is advisable that any contact with slashdot editors be done at a distance of no less than 17 feet without a special "bubble suit" to prevent air transmission. One study has shown that Bacillus Tacosnotus seems to thrive in filthy environments, such as the cubicles, homes, showers, etc. of your typical Linux user. Avoid these areas at all costs.

Another study also showed a link between hygiene (or lack of) and transmission, where a group of 24 men (11 linux users, 13 control) were placed in a dormatory environment for 38 days. All 11 of the linux users, who neglected to shower or clean their teeth during the entire duration of the study, developed advanced cases of Bacillus Tacosnotus Meningitis. The other 13, who showered regularly and maintained some form of personal cleanliness, did not contract Bacillus Tacosnotus.

Symptoms:

Pronounced homosexuality, penile tissue dessication (sometimes ending in autoamputation), prolapsed rectum, crohn's disease, fournier's gangrene, pink eye, benzodiazapine amnesia, thrush, autoerotic asphyxiation

Treatment:

Penicillin or other antibiotics such as tetracycline or erythromycin are given to treat the infection. Treatment may be prolonged to ensure that the infection is completely cleared. Symptoms may improve dramatically after treatment of the infection. A follow-up examination of the cerebrospinal fluid is required to evaluate the effectiveness of antibiotic therapy.

Linux induced sexual deviancy can be treated on an outpatient basis with psychotherapy and nongay operating systems (e.g. windows2000, mac osx, *bsd). In severe cases, a patient may be checked into a clinic for psychological deprogramming caused by open-sores and hentai exposure. In both cases, the patient is advised to avoid Linux in order to prevent a relapse of homosexual activity and/or pedo/necrophilia.

Expectations (prognosis):

Heterosexuality is possible, although unlikely. Attacks of homosexuality are common, with gayness caused directly by the neurologic damage that also occurs with late Bacillis Tacosnotus infection. People with late Bacillis Tacosnotus infections are at a greater risk for other infections and diseases.

Calling your health care provider:

Go to the emergency room or call the local emergency number (such as 911) if Tacosnotus Meningitis seizures occur. Call your health care provider if severe homosexuality with chancroids or other symptoms are present, particularly if there is a known history of Bacillis Tacosnotus infection.

This disorder can be sexuality-threatening!

Useful Links for more information about Bacillis Tacosnotus and the ancient homosexual ceremony of Tacosnotting:
Trollaxor
The WIPO Troll
dead_puppy (originator of this document)


All contents of this post are protected by the GNU license agreement.

Slashdot.org

Journal: bug in slashcode submission 2

Journal by dead_puppy
hmm, can't log a bug about slashcode unless i make an account and log in. no thanks...


For Project: Slash
Category: formkeys
Group: Slashdot
Summary: micheal sucked my dog's cock
Detailed Description:

What a fucking beastialphage. First, he's caught sucking off faggot jamie and then he's found in the VA public restroom using his tongue as asspaper for malda's infected rectum. and now this! he has the nerve to suck my dog's cock without asking moi? listen, i'm afraid the next time michael trespasses onto my property, i'm going to have to call the police and file charges. really, enough is enough. maybe if fatass jon katz would stop jerking off to kiddy porn and watch what his fellow pedophiles^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hslashdot coworkers were doing, i wouldn't have to worry about that fucking weirdo michael raping my pets. can't he just be a regular joe faggot like taco and homos?

oh yeah, the fucking formkeys doesn't work. but, hey, what do you expect from people who couldn't code slashdot in a *real* language to save their lives. Taco: "aaaaaaagh! pointers are hard... templates? i don't get it."

"Ignorance is the soil in which belief in miracles grows." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

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