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Journal: Hrmmm 1

Journal by chazzf
Well, it seems I've said nothing for a month. No, this does not mean that I've been a cave (there's a fun thought). Life has been interesting enough, I just haven't been all that motivated...

Let me start by saying that there are times when I feel as though death is stalking me. In the past month one current and one former classmate have died, as has the husband of my barber, a man I'd known my whole life.

Coupled with these tragic events are two emotionall y unbalancing things: My current significant other has what amounts to a death wish, and the advanced age of my parents causes me incessant worry. It's hard enough to be cynical and world-hating without feeling the scythe grazing one's neck. Honestly, and this is the one place where I'm emotionally candid, I just don't know what to do. I've tried ignorance, but that's a dangerous path to take. I tell myself my parents have led good, full lives and that they've both got over twenty years left in them, and I try to convice my significant other that there's something to be said for a long life, but neither is helpful/working in the long run...

The hell with it. This is depressing, I'm going to bed.

~Chazzf
User Journal

Journal: Merry Christmas...

Journal by chazzf
So yes, today was Christmas. How can one say it? The entire day ROCKED. Opened stockings and presents in the morning, at the leisurely hour of 10...Got a burner, some shirts, some books, and a hell of a lot of food. The last will likely be the most appreciated when winter quarter rolls around.

Dinner was great. PZ cooked up smoked turkey, mashed potatoes, and an excellent cobbler. Damn he can cook! Spent the evening playing Myth II and Heroes 3. Very entertaining.

Did I mention that it's been snowing all day, and that we'll wake up to a foot or so tomorrow? That really made the day for me...

It occurs to me that I never mention my parents, what is there to say after twenty years? I love them dearly and enjoy their company--ah, I should mention that my father wrote up a 100-page memoir about Christmas during the war years, which I must begin reading. It looks like he went to great effort to create it.

Humm, I had thought about including a rant about why Christmas might as well be celebrated by everyone since it isn't really Chrisitan anymore, but I don't feel like it. Maybe tomorrow.
User Journal

Journal: Yesterday

Journal by chazzf
Yesterday was simply wonderful. My first full day in Vermont, didn't get up until late in the morning. Puttered about with PZ's Mac, played Lode Runner and Heroes 3. Regards Lode Runner, it's like riding a bicycle. I hadn't played in three years, and it all came flooding back.

Read Heinlein's Starship Troopers...He's interesting. The politics are intriguing (neo-Libertarian sort of thing), as is his view of futuristic military operations. The Mobile Infanty seems very air cavalry-ish, and he wrote back 1959, so very good for him!

Last evening I went for a drive with Jenny and PZ. Looking for Christmas lights and such. We came upon the village of Westminster, and found that the populace and lined all the streets with luminaries! We turned off our lights and just glided along. It was wonderful.
User Journal

Journal: How Sad It Is

Journal by chazzf
Having one's mortality brought home is not an easy thing. Death is, for me, a very abstract concept. Yes, people die, but they're usually older or unknown to me. I can therefore ignore it, and treat life as a game, where one has repeated opportunities. What an amusing fantasy.

Today I learned that over the weekend a high-school classmate of mine was killed in a car accident. I didn't know her particularly well, yet the shock of the accident has been overwhelming. Death has been brought home to me. No longer abstract. She was 19 years old, for God's sake! Her whole life was ahead of her. She had a job, she went to school, she probably had a significant other...all of that taken away in the blink of an eye.

Today I finished a long road trip. How easy it would have been to make one little mistake, or for someone else to, and that would have been it. Charles Fulton would be another obituary. And it would note that he was attending college, worked part-time at various places, loved to travel, had hoped to be a professor...and so on. All of that now just words in a newspaper, not to be.

That's a goddamn scary thought. I don't like it much. And so I mourn Erin Hamblin, because she was denied her future. And in doing so I mourn my own innocence, for I fear that it may have died with her.

~Chazzf
User Journal

Journal: Random grumblings

Journal by chazzf
So much to do...so much time...so little motivation. Bah. Two papers, a debate, mountains of calculus...

If anyone out there is reasonably well read on Christian martyrdom (200-600 AD) or the Pope's role in the coronation of Charlemagne, give me a poke and we can talk.

AIM: Mackensen42

ICQ: 26157562

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are real good, you will get out of it.

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