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I don't buy that you do either. I spent 6 years of my life programming 6502 assembly when writing games and "demos" on the VIC-20 and Commodore 64, and I spent another 4 years programming ARM assembly when doing games and "demos" for the GameBoy Advance. Thumb/ARM is not complicated, not hard to learn, but it is nowhere near so defining of simplicity and straight-forwardness as the 6502 is.
The Android sticks run Linux, too. I have an RK3188-based stick that cost me $45 (shipping included), and I run a modified version of Ubuntu on it. Compared to the Pi the experience is wonderful, across the board.
It's my gateway and router, and as it's not just a pfsense install it also serves as a web development platform, file storage, etc. etc. There's just nothing as flexible, powerful and intuitive as OpenBSD's PF for facilitating the router portion.
It's an old 2009 13" MB Pro, with around 1400 charging cycles on the battery. I got 8 hours out of it when new, and managed to keep those 8 hours for a bit more than 2 years of use before I noticed a slow degrade. It definitely held up to the advertisement, and can't say I've seen better laptop batteries fin any other brand of laptop.