If this is what you consider "stuff that matters" I would suggest getting a copy of the obituaries. Newspapers put them out daily, and there are literally millions of them.
You know, you could have typed your message, enjoyed the cathartic effect of a little bit of snark, then clicked "Cancel". But no.
Since I'm dignifying you with a response, I'll point out that once the obituary is published, it's too late. You missed the point entirely.