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The Almighty Buck

bettiwettiwoo's Journal: New Stock Market Terms 3

Journal by bettiwettiwoo

Would probably be more amusing if not so close to the bone.

  • CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  • CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
  • Bull Market -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  • Bear Market -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
  • Value investment -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
  • P/E Ration -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
  • Broker -- What my broker has made me.
  • Standard&Poor -- Your life in a nutshell.
  • Stock Analyst -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
  • Stock Split -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
  • Financial Planner -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
  • Market Correction -- The day after you buy stocks.
  • Cash Flow-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
  • Yahoo! -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
  • Windows -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
  • Institutional Investor -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
  • Profit -- An archaic word no longer in use.

(From some forwarded email currently making the rounds.)

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New Stock Market Terms

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  • Dickhead Churning Account - where a broker milks clients with poor math skills for more commissions by conning them into buying yet more of a turkey as it trends lower, because "this lowers your average cost", without pointing out that it also increases their total loss. Officially goes by the name of "Dollar Cost Averaging". See "Wishful Thinking."
    • Mmm, not bad. (Although, perhaps a bit rambling ...?)

      • by tomhudson (43916)
        I figured that some people might not recognize the term Dollar Cost Averaging. You'd be surprised at how many people get sucked into the "logic". The smart thing to do, if you bought too high, isn't to buy more as it trends down so you lower your average loss - it's to cut your loss by selling to an idiot who believes in DCA. You'll be able to buy it back at the bottom.

        Example - you bought a share at $!00.00. It trends down to $50. On the way down to $50, you bought some at $90, some at $80, some at $7

You see but you do not observe. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes"

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