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bellus quies's Journal: This sucks 5

Journal by bellus quies

I'm such an idiot. I was fine and chipper on Wednesday. Things were good my head was in that win/win space and I thought that everything was good in the universe. Then Thursday, with the high level of stress this week from: breaking up, moving, getting the new place clean for a housewarming my friend is having for me Saturday, contract deadlines at work & making and shipping promo shirts for my side biz. Ya, I'm a bit frazzled. I've messed up my new apartment number a dozen times, transposing numbers. Asking the apartment office lady why my mail key doesn't work...evidently I tried it on the wrong number, mine was 3 down. And when I was switching the electric, I messed up the street number, luckily it turned up an error in their system and I got it fixed to the correct one.

So ya, Thursday I was supposed to meet up to change the name on the lease for the old apartment, but he was stuck at work and had to postpone. So like the little misguided caretaker that I am, I made up the excuse that I was heading over there anyways to pick up a package so I'd take out th edog to pee. Yes I had a package there (it could have waited another day easily) and yes he was appreciative as he ended up eating dinner at work to finish up the project by the deadline.

But fuck, why do I have to be so overly helpful and do things that others should be doing themselves. He choose not to have me as a partner right now, so he shouldn't have the benefit of me there to watch his back and help out.

So ya, I got all emotional as I walked into the apartment to get the dog and put the mail on the table. Thursday was the first time I had cried since Sunday. I thought I was doing pretty well. I guess the emotional roller coaster is to be expected in this case.

I just wish that this limbo was over. Because I feel like I'm not really in a relationship, but I'm not really out of one either. Blah.

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This sucks

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  • why do I have to be so overly helpful and do things that others should be doing themselves. He choose not to have me as a partner right now, so he shouldn't have the benefit of me there to watch his back and help out.

    Please don't read this as "this is what I think you should do" because that is not my intent. My intent here is only to give you something to consider.

    He has decided to go it alone right now. You still want to nurture and be helpful, apparently to the point of self-sacrifice. If you pull

    • by nizo (81281) *
      Nothing heplful to add, just hope things work out, and I am hoping that you come join Multiply too. I would have replied to your journal, but alas the dot is borked or something, and I can only reply to Gecko's reply.
    • ditto
    • Thanks for the good advice. I really appreciate it when people give their $0.02

      And I signed up for the Multiply under bellusquies
  • why do I have to be so overly helpful and do things that others should be doing themselves.

    Perhaps because you are a kind and considerate person? Because you are giving of yourself and think to give before you think to take? Its not necessarily a bad thing. That being said, I think there is much wisdom in Gecko's words. While leaving him hanging by his own petard is probably best, you are who you are- and that is a kind, giving person.

    Take care and enjoy the party!

Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.

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