Actually if Windows could 100% reliably sleep/hibernate AND 100% reliably wakeup then boot times are irrelevant
I'm running a dell xps that I installed Win8 on. It was running Win7 before. It has never, ever failed to sleep/hibernate or wake back up using either version. It's certainly much faster with 8, coming to life from a full hibernate in 6 seconds (2s from sleep). I have a custom-built desktop that ran W7 and now runs 8. It only ever restarts under 2 scenarios - either an major update was installed or the power goes out. It is always asleep instead of off, and never has a problem waking up. The problem you are referring to is probably not related to windows so much as it is related to a badly configured machine or crappy hardware.
since it (currently) hampers the hell out of work
We've had a few developers install 8 at work. They haven't found it to be a hindrance at all. I installed it on a machine in order to run VS12, and I haven't been slowed by the OS at all. The desktop is still there. They keyboard shortcuts are still there. Everything works effectively the same way but looks a bit different.
No. The first worm was in 2009, and it was possible to jailbreak iOS from safari (it still is, in some cases) -- http://appleinsider.com/articles/09/11/09/first_known_iphone_worm_rickrolls_jailbroken_apple_handsets.html
Aside from that, I do expect to be able to jailbreak my devices. If that costs me something in day-to-day security, I'm completely fine with that. I always want ultimate control over my hardware. The reason why you think Android is malware infected is because we have the option of installing our own software without the store. This is why developers are complaining that it's a platform for piracy - there is a path for software onto the device that is user-controlled. Also, google supplies the bootloader unlocking tools, effectively giving their blessing to people who want to jailbreak.