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Harris Teeter has these vividly colored cupcakes. I surmised that if you ate several (3+) of them, it would turn your poop colors. I had noticed this before, but was uncertain if the cupcakes were the source. So, I did not eat for 24 hours before the cupcakes. I ate 6 cupcakes (vivid blue) and this was the result. If you do not see them for sale, they will make them for you.

I had a ham & cheese sandwich and a salad (again) for lunch yesterday; I had 6 cookies as well. My ass has decided that ~5:30am is pooping time. This morning's poop took some work to get going. This turd was odd in the fact that it wasn't cylinder shaped, but like a ribbon. It was flattened and about 6" long and looked fiberous. The turd was a medium brown and had a healthy earth smell to it. Clean up took a few extra passes and it flushed easily. I rate it an 8.

I took a rare second poop today as well. This one was while at work. Nothing worthy of note, except for the actual 'event' and what went on during the poop.

I don't like pooping at work. The bowl is too shallow and sometimes my balls dip down in to the water. So, I have to cup my nads what I shit. This is not comfortable. I also have my cell with me at all times. Naturally, it rings just as I settle in. I *have* to take it:

Me: "Uh...Hello, TTR speaking."
Droid: "Hey, this is Joe Salesdroid. I have DonkeyPunch Networks on the phone and they have a big spam problem. I hear your the guy to solve these types of problems."
Me: "Yeah, but I am in the mid..."
Droid: "Great, this is a big customer, I'll bring them on."
Me: "But, I am taking a..."
*beep*
At the point the customer comes on. I am sitting in a toilet, with my balls in one hand and my cell in the other. I am just gonna have to wing it and try to hold on.
*fast forward a few moments*
Customer: "...and most of what we are seeing there is coming from..."
Me (no longer able to hold on): "Uuuuunnnggggghhhh...*Faaaarrrrrtttt!*...*plop*...Oy..."
Customer: "...asia and we can't determine where..."
Me: *faaaarrrrrrtttt*...oh...jeez...
Droid: Um, TTR, what is that noise?
Me: "Oh, I am in the crapper."
Droid: "...."
Customer: "....."
Me: "I have to wipe here, guys, can I call back in a few minutes?"
Customer: "....."
Droid: "....um...ah...ok..."

I can't rate this turd, because the auto-flush took it away before inspection. I do rate the fact that a customer had got to hear me take a shit as a '10'.

The binding effects of the Percocets has passed. (pun not intended) Yesterday, I had a ham and cheese sandwich on rye bread and a small salad. I also had a craving for milk and drank a half gallon after work. I was awoken at 5am by my cat meowing by my head. I woke up, rolled over and started to let a 'Good Morning' fart. I felt a gurgling and welling up in my gut. "That's no fart", I thought to myself as I hopped up and staggered into the bathroom half awake. Everything seems to have left my ass at once. A sudden rush and a sound like that of a potato gun firing mud at a wall and it was over. There was a strong sulphur smell to it. The turd wasn't solid, but it wasn't liquid either. It was a semi-solid; solid enough to plaster itself to the back of the bowl. Clean up was a bit of a mess, but the wet-wipes cleared everything out. Upon flushing, the semi-turd clung defiently to the bowl. A second flush sent it to its fate at the waste treatment plant. I rate this turd as a 7.

There is something up with a muscle in my upper leg; the pain is like a punishment from God. My doc perscribed Percocet for me; they tend to bind me up. I hadn't pooped for almost 2 days and this morning the pain in my gut was unbearable. In the past days I had eaten the buffet at Charlie Chang's, a roll-up from Harris Teeter's, 2 cheeseburgers from McD's, and 2-3 pounds of red, seedless grapes. This sat in my gut, like a lead weight. Sitting on the can was painful as the muscle is very tight. Being backed up, I had to push like I haven't pushed a turd in a very long while. After a few minutes, it all rushed from my body in one explosive load. I instantly felt 5 pounds lighter and 100% better. The turd was shaped like grape-shot that they used to use in cannons and was a uniform brown color. I can't comment on odor, as the cat had just taken a poop right before me (and my cat's poop reeks like hot death). Clean up was very easy. The almost painful level of pushing does hurt the over all rating of this turd, but I felt so good afterwards, I'll give it an 8.

Yesterday, I had blue crabs and steamed, spiced shrimp from the DC Wharf. I had a bit of tea this morning and that got my ass in gear, as it were. I also had a craving for milk for some reason, I must have drank a gallon of it yesterday. Anyway, this mornings turd started w/o any assistance, but there was a bit of pushing towards the middle. It went quick and there was no gas. I have a touch of a cold, so I can't give a good report on the smell. the turd itself was very loose, but not diareah. There was still a turd shape to it. It was very broken up and it was hard to determine length, but there was a fair amount of poop. It was a light brown color, almost tan. Clean up was easy with 2 whipes and a wet-wipe/dry-wipe finish. I rate this turd a 6.