Have to say, after reading the first two paragraphs (have "paragraph" and "sentence" always been synonymous in news/paper articles?), I've already come to the conclusion that your comment is 100% accurate.
I WAS at the Museum of Modern Art in New York not long ago, soaking in Edward Hopper’s retro downer mystique,
Hmm...elitist art person?
when I got a call that opened up brave new all-night-diners of doom and gloom.
Rather inflammatory and blatantly attention-grabbing.
The editor of thesmokinggun.com, a website that publishes embarrassing documents with headlines like “Man Jailed for Toilet Seat Attack on Disabled Kin,”
Crass...just from the URL I can already tell that I don't want to know anything about the site because it'll probably depress me.
had come into some documents of mine, including my Social Security number with birth date, a photograph of me assailing a moth infestation in an elderly friend’s kitchen
Okay, not that surprising but obviously not fun.
and nearly all my passwords.
Aaaaand this immediately sets off my warning bells that you probably did something monumentally stupid in order for this to happen.