"My plan for America will build on my spectacularly successful tenure atop Hewlett Packard. Therefore, if selected as president by the board members of the U.S. at A I promise to:
1. Sell California to China, because the state never produced anything of value.
2. Merge the supreme court, the FBI, and NASA, because that's the kind of outside the box thinking this country needs.
3. Focus on our core competence: T-shirt manufacturing. We can out-compete third world countries in this area.
4. After my policies have led the country to the top of Fortune 500, I'll ride my golden parachute to Mars.