Item 1: Bitcoins are cash that you can transmit. Like cash, if you misplace it or it is destroyed, it's gone. If you stuff the mattress with your life savings, that could become a serious issue.
Item 2 and 6: Bitcoins are, in effect, a foreign currency. They have an exchange rate with your local currency and their value in your local currency is based on the faith a local exchange has in them.
The rest: Bitcoins are not a bank, but there's no reason a bank (complete w/ FDIC insurance) couldn't accept bitcoins. Except, that is, that banks don't tend to like bitcoins because they don't lock everyone into using a bank for any transaction not completed in person.