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+ - Exotic new particle discovered at LHC

Submitted by Screaming Cactus
Screaming Cactus (1230848) writes "Even though the LHC has only been operational for a matter of days, scientists have already discovered a new particle. While it obeys most of the standard laws of quantum mechanics, this new particle, dubbed the "womon", exhibits several new characteristics unseen in other particles.

The Womon and the Feministic force: The Womon exhibits an intrinsic charge known as "Feminism". While in amorphous substrates, the feministic force generally causes the particles to be attracted to Masculons (a heavier, oppositely charged particle), in crystalline substrates with aligned feministic fields, the womon become attracted to masculons on one side, and repelled by them on the other. This effect is known as Bipolar Feminism.

Womon/womon exchanges: Womon have been observed to transfer information to other womon particles at faster than the speed of light, making womon-womon interactions the fastest known method of information transmission in the universe, and also making the womon the only thing in the universe that doesn't obey the all laws of physics.

Womon/Masculon bindings: When a womon successully binds with a masculon, the resulting aggregate becomes feministically neutral to most other particles. However, they still exhibit the feministic force on nearby masculons, which they may frequently interact with (and occasionally, become briefly entagled with) when their bound counterparticle isn't looking. Additionally, the bound masculon will always have to deal with the womon's bipolar feminism, regardless of its quantum state.

The Womon and the Pauli Exclusion Principle: Womon are fermions, so they obey the Pauli Exclusion Principle. While no two womon may share the same quantum space, more than one womon may bind with the same masculon, as long as they never come in contact. Since a womon is its own antiparticle, such a contact would result in a catastrophic explosion, severly damaging or destroying the masculon.

The Womon and the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: Because of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, it is impossible to know, at the same time, both what a womon is angry about, and what you have to do to fix it.

Womon/Baryon interactions: The womon is attracted to certain types of matter. These include gold, silver, platinum, and various crystallized substances such as diamond, sapphire, etc. Scientists haven't yet determined what these various substances have in common, except that they're all expensive. A womon will more readily bond with a masculon compound containing these elements.

High-speed Womon particles: Womon travelling at high speeds are considered extremely dangerous. While most particles follow Newton's Laws and travel in a straight line, a high-speed womon may spontanously stop or unexpectedly alter trajectory. They also seem to be unable to organize themselves into coherent, straight lines with other particles.

Womon/Masculon energy transfer: After binding with a masculon, the bipolar feministic force will begin to slowly drain the masculon's intrinsic angular momentum, manifesting itself as an increase in mass of the womon. Scientists say this is the most efficient transformation of energy to mass known in physics. As the masculon particle's angular momentum approaches zero, the probability that the woman will spontaneously unbind increases. An unbound womon will generally shed excess mass before binding with another masculon.

Particle stability: The womon is a highly unstable particle, and requires this constant angular momentum exchange to prevent it from annihilating its bound counterparticle. Womon have been observed to spontanously explode for undetermined reasons.

Decay characteristics: The womon spontaneously decays into the feministically neutral Ol'Lady particle (named after the French scientist Jeane de Ol'Lady). Masculon bindings increase the decay rate. The half-life of a womon is approximately 35 years.

When asked by reporters what they thought of these new, exotic particles, some scientists claimed "We think we can synthesize a stable version of these particles, perhaps a feministic monopole." Others were afraid such a particle may cause worldwide destruction."

+ - Scientist blamed for anthrax mail attacks->

Submitted by Screaming Cactus
Screaming Cactus (1230848) writes "The government has put together a case, based highly on speculation and circumstantial evidence, blaming scientist Bruce Ivins for the anthrax-containing letters that were mailed shortly after 9/11, killing five. Ivins was described by the media as a "deeply troubled" man, who committed suicide last week, apparently because he knew investigators were closing in. While the prosecution's case doesn't seem to have any hard evidence, the defense wasn't much better: according to Ivin's lawyer, the prosecution was "taking a weird guy and convicting him of mass murder" without real evidence. Sound familiar? One can only guess that if Ivin were alive today, he would fire his lawyer."
Link to Original Source

+ - Medical helicopters crash, killing 6

Submitted by Screaming Cactus
Screaming Cactus (1230848) writes "Somehow, two medical helicopters managed to crash into each other. If that isn't amazing enough, there were 2 survivors, apparently one from each helicopter. The article is a bit vague, but it appears that in one chopper, 6 died and a nurse was critically injured, and in the other, 3 died and another was critically injured. The article doesn't say how they crashed except that apparently they both tried to land at the same time. As if that hadn't done enough damage, they also started a 10-acre brush fire, which was fortunately put out."

+ - Black hole jet streams explained

Submitted by Screaming Cactus
Screaming Cactus (1230848) writes "According to the BBC, researches from the University of Boston have apparently worked out the physics behind the jet streams emanating from many black holes. According to the researchers, the streams "originate in the magnetic field near the edge of the black hole." Although magnetic fields have been the agreed upon culprit for a while now, apparently they have finally worked out the physics behind this phenomenon, comparing it to the workings of a jet engine."

+ - U.S. host shuts down anti-Islam promoting site

Submitted by Screaming Cactus
Screaming Cactus (1230848) writes "U.S. website host Network Solutions has suspended a website they were hosting which promotes an anti-Islam video. The Dutch video describes Islam as the "enemy of freedom." Network Solutions claims it has received complaints that the site violates their guidelines on "hate language." This is not the first time the Dutch have angered the Muslim community."

+ - China blocks YouTube over Tibet videos

Submitted by Screaming Cactus
Screaming Cactus (1230848) writes "From the article:
"BEIJING — Internet users in China were blocked from seeing YouTube.com on Sunday after dozens of videos about protests in Tibet appeared on the popular U.S. video Web site. The blocking added to the communist government's efforts to control what the public saw and heard about protests that erupted Friday in the Tibetan capital, Lhasa, against Chinese rule.""

+ - Lamp Lit by Gravity Wins Greener Gadget Award

Submitted by
Screaming Cactus
Screaming Cactus writes "From the article: 'A Virginia Tech student has created an LED floor lamp that is powered by gravity, using a weight slide similar to the concept of a grandfather clock. The lamp puts out the equivalent of a 40-Watt bulb, and lasts four hours per cycle. The mechanism is expected to last 200 years.'
You have to lift the weight to get it started, but it's still an interesting concept, and stylish, too!"

Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.