Please exaplin "because all observable planets, besides earth, show the exact opposite happening" because as far as I can see Jupiter has one heck of a violent storm problem.
The center of the planet is molten. Space is cold. Air temperature is primarly affected by 1) solar input from ground heat and 2) radiative loss to space at altitude. More ground warming means more air rising, which means more cold air falling somewhere else. Making one spot hot is going to push more air up at that point, to balance that more cold air is going to "fall" somewhere else. One dynamic is that land cools quicker than water so we get arctic outflows. The world could get warmer and north america get colder due to all the cold air getting dumped on NA which is ideally shapped for north south air circulation.