I'm excited to be here, and as chancellor of the only Singularity accredited* Singularity University I am chartered to begin rapid ambassadorial ties with the core anti-Luddite movements, such as Slashdot.
I couldn't delay, as due to the Law of Accelerating Returns and the uncertainty of the nanotechnology technological forefront that we describe in great detail in a 2 hour seminar course during the 9-week Singularity U program, the Rapture may be coming even sooner than we thought.
You, that is, EVERYONE on Slashdot owes it to your self to apply to Singularity U for a slot in the upcoming years. This 9-week program may very well be the difference between you moving toward the Singularity during the rapture, or being left-behind and greatly losing the promise of eternal life. It's normally $25,000 for the program, but for Slashdot users you can use promo code SLSH49 to get an instant $1000 rebate at the check out page (none of that mail-in crap)!
I know some of you are known for social skills weaknesses. And it is for this reason I want to assure you that there are great socialization opportunities for all of you at Singularity U. We are constructing complete VR sensory experience systems with all of the features of real social and sexual interactions. You may be familiar with my VR ego Ramona, and I know a lot of you would like a piece of that sweet ass. Unfortunately, I'm the lucky man for her. But do not fear, as a custom VR personality can be engineered that can help you and develop your SQ (social quotient) and please your naughtiest and lust-filled fantasies**.
Would be applicants note that, like most schools, we have strict vaccination requirements but we also have additional life-extending supplement requirements. The 150-250 necessary supplements are not included in the tuition but financial assistance may be available. Also, since such a battery can be confusing to the novice we have Singularity Counselors(R) that will guide you in the first few days on your way!
* Not yet accredited
** So many freshmen forget that a VR companion is not limited to the 3 basic orifices humanity has had to make do with all these miserably boring years!