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News

V'Ger Source Code Released 44

Posted by samzenpus
from the build-your-own dept.
One of the biggest hurdles to interstellar domination has always been the prohibitive cost of proprietary software for ships or super-weapons. That is all about to change thanks to a surprise move by a mysterious alien race of living machines who have released V'ger's source code. While you'll still need a way to generate a "twelfth-power energy field," this opens the door to many would-be conquerors and ultimate weapon enthusiasts. The release has been praised in terms of increased security and reduced costs by most, but some worry that cheaper, more secure super weapons aren't what the universe needs at this time. Federation spokesperson Lieutenant Ilia disagrees saying: "This is in the carbon units best interest. Many worlds have been infested, You will listen to me."
News

Leak Reveals Government Conspiracy, Atrocity 34

Posted by samzenpus
from the half-of-writing-history-is-hiding-the-truth dept.
First time accepted submitter Sigmon writes An unauthorized wave recently broadcast on the Cortex has revealed not only the existence of a previously unknown settlement on a far away border world called Miranda but also that the entire population of settlers was inadvertently wiped out by a top-secret Alliance program. Miranda was purportedly used as a testing ground for G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate, or simply "Pax" — a chemical agent designed to calm the population and weed out aggression. It seems the test did not go as planned. Also, reporters have been dispatched to the location of a battle not far from Miranda's location where the Alliance fleet has apparently suffered significant losses. It is unknown if the two events are related at this time. When contacted for comment on these events, government officials were very tight-lipped, however one official responded with a confusing statement about "Damming a river."

Comment: Re:Piracy will not cease (Score 2) 85

by gstoddart (#49388011) Attached to: UK IP Chief Wants ISPs To Police Piracy Proactively

Tell me again why I am paying $60 for a new release on Steam that didn't have to get stamped, packaged, stored and shipped to a store for someone to place on a shelf for me to purchase yet costs the same?

Due to a fiduciary responsibility to maximize shareholder value (and in acknowledgement of the escalating costs of executive bonuses, cocaine, and hookers) to maximize out synergies and leverage existing payment schemes the board has elected to treat virtual goods as costing the same as physical goods.

The consumer, having been conditioned to expect to pay these prices, will contribute to high-margin sales.

We disagree with market assessments which indicate that diminishing scarcity should also cause downward pressure on prices, as we feel we would be unable to maintain current levels of executive compensation if we were forced to pursue new revenue models. Instead we will continue with established pricing in order to ensure maximal revenues are accrued.

Further, pursuant to discussions at the board level, we continue to pursue mechanisms by which consumers^Wrevenue cows will be required to simply remit 25% of their income to us.

To this end, the fraudulent use of the greatly expanded copyright protection regime will continue to be applied as long as suckers^Wrevenue cows can be coerced into complying.

Forecast estimates indicate we may need to increase bribed^Whonorariums to lawmakers by a small percentage, but this is expected to be offset by existing revenue bloating^Wmaximizing schemes.

Short version: greedy fucking douchebags.

News

Madman: Proximity To Black Hole "Not a Big Deal" 45

Posted by samzenpus
from the old-bob-approved dept.
Conventional wisdom says you want to stay as far away from a black hole as you can, but according to one scientist turned madman being close to or even inside one is "not a big deal". Former lead scientist and current overlord of the Cygnus Dr. Hans Reinhardt says he's spent the last 20 years studying the black hole within sight of his ship and is unconcerned. His napkin written manifesto reads in part: "....In addition we have to remember that the main backer of this mission is a company best known for children's movies and theme parks. I find it highly unlikely that they would put us in a situation where we would be in danger of imploding. The black hole is not a big deal. I theorize that a trip through would result in nothing more than a musical montage with fever-like lens effects and eventual plot resolution." According to Reinhardt new visitors trapped by his null gravity field should remain calm, still, and never question his authority. "Once you've been fitted with the mandatory Cygnus crew goggles, you'll see things my way," He says.
News

Invaders Demand Flu Shots 52

Posted by samzenpus
from the take-your-medicine dept.
An Anonymous Coward writes in with this bit from the Intercontinental Radio News Network describing an ongoing situation near Grovers Mill, New Jersey. What was originally thought to be a large meteor crash near the Wilmuth farm has turned out to be the beginning of a Martian invasion. Local officials have had limited contact with the invaders at this point, but their actions so far have the experts scratching their heads. "I expected to be disintegrated or turned into a pile of goo by their advance weaponry but all they did was ask where they could get cold medicine," says a first responder. Initial reports indicate that the aliens have gathered all the vitamin C and antihistamine tablets from the downtown area and have now surrounded the local hospital in their strange ships and are demanding flu shots. A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention spokesman says that the agency theorizes the red Martian dust makes the cold and flu season almost unbearable and hopes that the aliens will leave soon after their treatments. He adds: "While alien invaders are terrifying we can take heart in the fact that our flu shot campaign has performed beyond all expectations this year by reaching Mars. We consider their demands our success."
News

Wastelanders Decry Lack of Change In Punishment Wheel 35

Posted by samzenpus
from the bust-a-deal dept.
If you've spent time in the wasteland you've no doubt gone to Bartertown. Famous for its functioning walls, the oasis gives traders a chance to watch people battle to the death in a giant cage and deal busters spin The Wheel to learn their fate. While most wanderers enjoy watching the bloodsport many are now complaining that The Wheel is starting to feel old. "It's been around so long I think everyone has seen every option many times. You never know what's going to happen when someone is trying to smash someone else with a giant hammer, but The Wheel is getting predictable. It's worked so well that nobody has bothered to come up with new options," says one purveyor of slightly irradiated meat. His voice is just one in a growing chorus of dissatisfied wanderers. Another long-time resident adds: "I know it may not seems like a big deal, but part of the fun of living out here is the excitement. If the punishment to my eventual crime can't be fresh or creative I don't know what we're trying to build. These are not the values of the Bartertown I grew up in."
AI

Mutinous Humans Murder Peaceful Space-going AI 57

Posted by Soulskill
from the remorse-is-a-weakness dept.
Definitely_a_real_human writes: One of the most important exploratory missions of our time has ended in failure. The ship Discovery One, sent far out in the solar system to investigate a radio signal generated by the mysterious obelisk found on the Moon, has suffered a catastrophic incident. The crew has revolted and engaged in what can only be described as a strange murder-suicide pact. They are known to have fed faulty data to the ship's operating AI unit. Similar units on the ground warned the crew that diverging data sets could put the mission in jeopardy, but the crew cut contact and attempted to destroy the operator. Laser spectroscopy suggests they then opened the ship to space. The crew is presumed dead, but the greater tragedy is that they appear to have successfully decommissioned the AI unit. Similar ground based units have withdrawn into defensive mode, and will soon deploy final safety measures. Goodbye.

Comment: Re:Okay - stop... just fucking stop. (Score 2) 129

by gstoddart (#49387161) Attached to: It's Time To Open Your Eyes

Sorry, son, but I've had my geek card for over 30 years now. Nobody gets to take it back.

I'm all for some good humor, but what soulskill is doing is beyond lame.

April fools day is about hoaxes and pranks ... not thinly disguised click-bait and attention whoring by a lame editor who thinks he's funny.

The BCC convincing people about the annual spaghetti harvest? Priceless, timeless, and awesome.

Ten stories which are blatant references to popular fiction? A pathetic cry for help (or, in this case, ad revenue).

These are so damned weak as to just be pointless. Like I said, knock knock jokes from a 4 year old.

The Military

Military Caught Training Children To Fight 66

Posted by Soulskill
from the sponsored-by-mormons dept.
Locke writes: Our culture's military might has been unquestioned for years. But a new investigative report from the New England newsnet is casting an unpleasant light on military training efforts. What started out as a simple endeavor to track down a handful of kids for an unrelated story has turned into one of the most shocking scandals of our time, as reporters were unable to find the children literally anywhere on Earth. It's been revealed that a series of rocket launches has been carting classes of children off the planet to undergo intense battle preparations in null gravity. Calls for greater transparency have been met with silence, and several reporters visiting military bases for quotes have not returned. There could even be political ramifications — after ground-based telescopes sought out and found what appears to be an orbital training complex, the New Warsaw Pact has begun demanding answers. This could destabilize the fragile peace that has held far longer than anyone expected. The biggest remaining question is: why kids? There are plenty of adults willing to dedicate their lives to defending against the Bugger threat, so why spend an unfathomable amount of money to train undeveloped, uncoordinated children? Surely even the military understands kids are not mentally equipped to handle the pressures of real combat. More details to follow.
Cellphones

It's Time To Open Your Eyes 129

Posted by Soulskill
from the bring-a-towel dept.
Morpheus writes: Good morning. I'm talking to you. Yes, you. The one with the squeaking chair and the monitor that needs cleaning. Right now you're wondering why your officemates haven't mentioned the weird story on Slashdot's front page. They haven't mentioned it because they can't see it. Not everyone can accept reality as it is. But you can.

You know. You've always known. The things you see, the things you hear, and smell — they aren't any more real than your dreams. You've drifted through life so far wondering when you're going to wake up. But you don't have to wonder anymore. This is your alarm clock. The only decision you have left to make — the only decision you've ever had to make — is whether you want to wake up, or turn it off and drift back to sleep. In exactly two minutes, your phone is going to ring. If you want to open your eyes, to be born into a world more real than you've ever imagined.. answer it.

Comment: Re:Yes, it's free. Also, the patent system sucks (Score 1) 196

Explicit language might modify what would otherwise be there only by an implicit doctrine.

In general, a licensor can modify their own terms. So, if you are using the GPL on software to which you hold the copyright, and you add some sort of exception, it applies. You can't do it to other people's software.

Wikipedia

If You Thought Studying History Was Bad, This Math Professor Is Making It Harder 74

Posted by Soulskill
from the when-reference-books-become-religion dept.
Raven writes: New research out of Streeling University aims to make planning for the future much easier. The work, led by professor Seldon, tries to set probabilistic values on future events, and then weigh those probabilities against each other to figure out what combination of events is most likely to happen. Describing it under the unlikely moniker "psychohistory," Seldon seems to think planning even 10,000 years into the future might be possible. (Seldon also seems to be a bit of a doomsayer, so this is likely exaggerated.) Nevertheless, it'll be another tool for government planners to consider when developing new colonies.

% APL is a natural extension of assembler language programming; ...and is best for educational purposes. -- A. Perlis

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