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Comment: Playing God... (Score -1, Funny) 135

by Pastor Jake (#38451868) Attached to: Liquid Metal Capsules Used To Make Self-Healing Electronics

Dearest friends,

This "research" is nothing more than a cleverly-disguised plot to play God and create life. I must remind you all that God has given every one of you a unique soul which defines who you are...these self-healing machines have no such thing. The engineers who made this should consider the implications the technology will have on them in the next life, and halt the production of this anti-God and anti-Christian technology.


Comment: The way things are supposed to be. (Score -1, Troll) 472

by Pastor Jake (#38357050) Attached to: New Study Concludes Math Gender Gap Is Cultural, Not Biological

My Christian Comrades,

The Lord tells us that wives should submit to their husbands, and He granted men their greater ability to do math and science to help enforce this view. All of the neo-Nazi bra-burning feminists who wish to bridge this so-called "gap" are merely trying to undermine the Christian values of our nation. This is the way things are supposed to be, so there is no "gap."


Comment: Re:Don't bitch. (Score 3, Funny) 353

by Pastor Jake (#38322474) Attached to: PC Makers Run Short of Popular Drives

My fellow-believer,

Despite the less-than-Christian wording of the title of your comment, I must agree with your overall sentiment. It pains me that during the season of Christ's birth, consumers are complaining of a shortage of a material luxury when there are so many people who lost loved-ones and the basic necessities they need to survive because of the flooding. My prayers go out to those affected and those who wanted Santa to bring them that extra 10TB RAID 0+1 array; may the Lord provide the former with what they need, and may the latter be cured of their addiction to pornography.

Your respectful peer,

Comment: 77,000 years? Bah! (Score 5, Funny) 102

by Pastor Jake (#38310292) Attached to: Earliest Human Beds Found In South Africa

My friends in the Word,

These atheist-backed scientists have surely fabricated these so-called "sleeping mats," as it is clearly outlined in the Bible that God created Adam and Eve 5,000 years ago. Note that I am not questioning the existence of these mats, as these could have possibly BEEN used by Adam or one of his descendants after being thrown out of Eden, I am questioning the "evidence" of their age from the so-called "carbon-dating" process. I wish these scientists well with their work and pray that they will break free from the yoke of grants from godless individuals and governments.

Your friend,

Comment: Well why not? (Score 4, Insightful) 203

by Pastor Jake (#38242308) Attached to: Patriot Act Clouds Picture For Tech


I don't understand these companies' hesitance when deciding to do business with US-based companies. Sure, the data may need to be seen by the government, but we aren't China; the data will be kept safe while our researchers are doing God's work by looking for pedophiles, rapists, and terrorists. Perhaps they could even insert biblical references into the cloud, in order to spread the Word to those who would not otherwise hear it.

Your Friend,

Comment: Save the planet? (Score 0) 393

by Pastor Jake (#38238976) Attached to: Kyoto Protocol Renewal Efforts Struggling

My fellow prayer-warriors,

While God granted us stewardship over the Earth and all of its creatures, we must prioritize what gets our attention. The economic mess in Europe and our most blessed USA is taking our attention away from what is most important in life--devotion to God! We must devote ourselves to saving the everlasting souls of those who do not know Him; after all, Hellfire and damnation is eternal!

Your Shepherd,

Comment: I object to this (Score -1, Troll) 180

by Pastor Jake (#38161766) Attached to: Stanford Researchers Invent Everlasting Battery Material

Comrades in Christ,

I object to the term 'everlasting' as used in any form other than describing God Himself. When we interject powerful, all-reaching words such as this into casual, everyday conversation, we dilute the meaning so that our minds can no longer comprehend the intended meaning. Everlasting should mean forever, not 400,000. God is everlasting; these batteries, however, are not.

Your friend,

Comment: He should remove it. (Score 5, Funny) 216

by Pastor Jake (#38143376) Attached to: CarrierIQ Tries To Silence Security Researcher

My Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

This man is working to remove software which can be used to identify pedophiles, rapists, and other ungodly characters which are plaguing this nation. He should be brought to justice for undermining our government's attempt to keep our land free and Christian. I propose that we take this software a step further, and have it display a random Bible verse on bootup of the device, in order to spread Christ's message to the unsaved.

God bless,

Comment: We must shield our children (Score 4, Funny) 240

by Pastor Jake (#38129614) Attached to: How Much Tech Can Kids Take?


Our children are being exposed to the trash on the internet at younger and younger ages, and it is time to stop. Their bodies grow to unhealthy weights while their moral compasses shrivel. We must restrict their access to technology until they are old enough to handle it. Thankfully, our dual-party system has come together to propose government filtering of the internet in the form of SOPA. This will help parents who are too tech-illiterate to shield their kids from the dangers of the internet.

Your Brother,

Comment: The Space Program is a Black Hole (Score -1, Troll) 68

by Pastor Jake (#38097062) Attached to: High Resolution Global Topographic Map of Moon
With all the Godless people running around our country doing terrible things, we shouldn't be putting our focus on reaching the heavens--it was tried before with the Tower of Babel and God smited those who tried to reach him! Clearly, He wants us to put our focus here on Earch to do His will.
NASA's budget last year was $17 BILLION! IMAGINE what we could do in our country if we repurposed it for our churches! The Good Will which would be spread would undoubtedly end all crime, poverty, and infidelity in our most blessed US of A.
Your Brother in Christ,

+ - All French nuclear reactors deemed unsafe->

Submitted by
hweimer writes "A new study by a French government agency, commissioned in the wake of the Fukushima disaster, found that all French nuclear power plants do not offer adequate safety when it comes to flooding, earthquakes, power outages, failure of the cooling systems and operational management of accidents. While there is no need for immediate shutdown, the
agency presses for the problems to be fixed quickly. France gets about 80% of its power from nuclear energy and is a major exporter of nuclear technology."

Link to Original Source

+ - High Resolution Global Topographic Map of Moon->

Submitted by stuckinarut
stuckinarut (891702) writes "NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO) has released the highest resolution near-global topographic map of the moon ever created.

Our new topographic view of the moon provides the dataset that lunar scientists have waited for since the Apollo era,” says Mark Robinson, Principal Investigator of the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter Camera (LROC) from Arizona State University in Tempe. “We can now determine slopes of all major geologic terrains on the moon at 100 meter scale. Determine how the crust has deformed, better understand impact crater mechanics, investigate the nature of volcanic features, and better plan future robotic and human missions to the moon.”"

Link to Original Source

To communicate is the beginning of understanding. -- AT&T