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Comment: Re:Employers don't want employees who LOOK lazy. (Score 1) 109

by MillionthMonkey (#47786101) Attached to: Coffee Naps Better For Alertness Than Coffee Or Naps Alone

When I was hourly at a place where they weren't allowed to send us home early, they would find all manner of useless busywork for us to do if they caught us done without more work to do.

What were they making you do? Was it extra programming projects, crossword puzzles, or mopping the floor? Just curious

Comment: THE SPAMMER - EPISODE ONE (Score 1) 44

by MillionthMonkey (#47722763) Attached to: Couchsurfing Hacked, Sends Airbnb Prank Spam

The police kicked down the door, breaking the glass and maneuvering through the room with guns drawn. The living room was empty. They searched the kitchen. Nothing. One of them kicked in the bedroom door and swung his assault rifle in a wide angle as he crashed through.

Immediately he saw that the floor was covered with spam. A computer's hard drive had exploded under pressure and was oozing a liquid discharge of strange attachments and cryptic URLs across the desk and onto the floor. " Couchsurfing sucks... here's a better couch!" they yelled, one after another. Then the fumes struck him.

Overwhelmed, he stumbled backward, spraying vomit across the living room as he fell. He lay on the spammy floor unconscious, convulsing, muttering the same thing over and over. "Delete... delete... delete... delete..." The other officers quickly ran out of the front door, dragging him along by the legs as they struggled to cover their eyes which were lachrymating upon exposure to the spam. One of the units outside called for backup and unwound a yellow tape labeled "POLICE LINE - DO NOT EMAIL" around the residence. A forensics van pulled up, and several officers strapped rubber gloves onto their hands and Pentagon-surplus armored spam filters on their faces. They reentered the building, treading lightly, taking flash photographs, and laboriously stuffing individual spam emails into each of 10,000,000 Ziploc bags.

About twenty minutes later, Detective Protagoniste and the Commissioner arrived at the scene in their unmarked car.

"Well, what do you make of this mess, Detective?" asked the Commissioner, as they approached the building. Protagoniste picked up one of the bags, and held it up to the light, and replied, "Commissioner, as of now, the spam's been caught... but not the Spammer!"

Comment: Re:But we ain't gonna have a Big Cruch, right ? (Score 1) 35

by MillionthMonkey (#47670215) Attached to: Historians Rediscover Einstein's Forgotten Model of the Universe
Heat death is scheduled to happen a googol years from now. If the Big Rip hypothesis is true then the universe's life is already a half over. Then dark energy expansion will successively disintegrate galaxies, then solar systems, planets, humans, atoms, and protons in a cataclysmic disaster.

Comment: Wikipedia's page on the U.S. Constitution (Score 1) 165

by MillionthMonkey (#47536375) Attached to: Wikipedia Blocks 'Disruptive' Edits From US Congress
Corporations are to be afforded the divine rights of human beings! [This article has multiple issues. Please help improvement or discuss these issues in chambers.]

(On the discussion page it looks like all the recent edits are coming from five guys at the Supreme Court.)

Comment: Re:I've been calling for this for 20+ years... (Score 1) 159

by MillionthMonkey (#47439433) Attached to: Biohackers Are Engineering Yeast To Make THC

If we ever learn to design new genes and proteins quickly, there are a bunch of starter projects:

Give mold the ability to synthesize CBD and THC. It would motivate you to wash your dishes- so you can use a razor blade to scrape off a gooey film of cannabinoids from the slimy ceramic in your sink, puff away, develop the munchies again, refill the sink with dirty dishes, and complete the cycle.

Insert a couple genes into E Coli that can synthesize cannabinoids in your intestines, so you can get a buzz after eating regular brownies.

Give cows a few genes for synthesis of cannabinoids during lactation. THC milk would also go great with regular brownies.

Design a virus that invades the human nervous system and inserts genes into white matter cells to induce synthesis of Adderall.

Engineer mosquitos that have the ability to synthesize heroin.

Make puncturevines that synthesize injectable human vaccines for measles, mumps, pertussis, polio, flu, rubella. and accumulate them in those tack-shaped goathead seeds. Plant them near people who think vaccines cause autism. Also include genes for synthesizing tire sealant, so their needles stop blowing out my bike tires when they reach the curb.

Give chili peppers the ability to synthesize and retain methamphetamine. Pulverize them and you can get meth with that "Chili P signature" like Jesse was selling in the first episode of Breaking Bad.

Create bees that can successfully avoid any areas tainted with anything manufactured by Bayer.

Resurrect DNA from extinct giant bird Palagornis sandersi but modify the legs a little so that the birds can hold bombs and chemical weapons.

Design trees that grow both apples and oranges, so we can finally compare them.

Comment: Printed THC (Score 1) 159

by MillionthMonkey (#47438371) Attached to: Biohackers Are Engineering Yeast To Make THC

They are genetically engineering stuff to produce stuff that is already available? Benefit would be....?

I'm not going to bother with genetic engineering. I'm going to get a 3D printer, download THC.sdl and CBD.sdl, and print my own cannabinoids.

Which reminds me I also have to print a new bong because this one is starting to smell like yeast.

Comment: Worship at the Church of Wal-Mart! (Score 3, Funny) 1330

You can get 50% off all your groceries for a week! Faith holders earn points on every purchase that can be redeemed at any of our outlets in heaven! Switch your religion to Waltonism and start saving today!

(This offer does not apply to purchases of contraceptives.)

Comment: Re:waste of time (Score 4, Funny) 380

by MillionthMonkey (#47327273) Attached to: New Chemical Process Could Make Ammonia a Practical Car Fuel

Every car gets 0 miles to the gallon unnecessarily stopped at a light.

I'm wondering, instead of using red/green switches at intersections, maybe we can have the cars drive through diffraction plates set up around the intersection. Then the wavefunction of you and car can spread out into the intersection via diffraction and arrive randomly into one of several quantum states (outbound lanes) which head toward your destination. If we made cars and their drivers out of bosons instead of fermions, it might work. Only one fermion can occupy any given quantum state. So with fermionic cars, there's always a small probability of quantum entanglement within the intersection between you and some other guy trying to make a left.

When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas

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