I'll second the recommendation for the Brother HL-2170W. I have one, and it prints superbly from Linux and Windows (and OS X, I'll assume, since I once saw it for sale at the Apple store). Watch the weekly ads from your local office supply stores, and you'll be able to get a good deal.

One tool one job

I'd hate to see what your kitchen looks like

At a guess, very efficient.

If so, then it's an enormous—dare I say cavernous—kitchen. It would take a whole lot of room to efficiently organize and store all those single-use devices. There's a reason Alton Brown preaches the hatred of unitaskers.

Of course, comparing software to kitchen gadgets is pure folly anyway. "One tool, one job" makes sense for software, but not so much for most tasks in the physical world. Today's hard drives would be analogous to a far more spacious kitchen than even the richest of us could ever hope to have, and stringing together a series of single-use commands to accomplish computing tasks is altogether different than fumbling about with a handful of specialized utensils while trying to prepare dinner.

With all the ongoing debate about the current screwed state of copyright and "intellectual property", I thought it was a well-understood fact around here that information is different from material goods. This is just one more example of that difference.

two people in love wouldn't make each other sign grossly unfair contracts.

This.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenup

Not "this". A grossly unfair prenuptial agreement is a pretty good indication that you're not dealing with two people in love. More likely, you have one person driven by greed presenting a prenup stacked in his/her own favor, and the other person motivated by love—or some other factor, possibly—to go along with it.

Going from 12-18 missing cables in six years to one missing cable in six years is "no real change"? You, sir, fail math forever.

If I murder another human being in my home (whether I invited them in or they broke in and threatened my family) you can bet the law is gonna get involved somehow...

If you've killed someone after they broke in and threatened your family, you haven't committed murder. You've defended your home and your family. The police will likely show up (the police are not "the law"; the police merely enforce the law), document that a crime has been committed (take statements, etc.), see that the perpetrator is dead, and call the coroner. If you live in a place where murder charges would be filed against you for defending yourself, your family, and your property, then you need to move. NOW. Anything else that may be tying you to that place is not worth it.