You have violated the CFAA. Please report to your nearest DoJ branch office for processing.

Imagine the republican attack ads if this White House decided to switch over:

"Obama wants to force your kids to use metric...just like those socialists in [ominous musical stab] LIBERAL ENGLAND."

Are you sure about the genesis of PEEK/POKE? I was using them in Integer BASIC, before MS came out with Applesoft.

Why do you think it appears to give intelligent reactions?

Google's broken analytics keep telling me I would enjoy Drudge and Limbaugh apps, when I know damn well that I won't. To be fair, though, it's based on what's popular in my area. Other things "popular in [my] area" of Denver include local channel 7 affiliate apps from fucking Michigan and the like.

Google's shotgun approach to personalization has yet to impress me.

"Hurf derrrf I have cocks in my mouth!"

Nailed it.

"Ever notice how 18-wheelers drive on a highway in heavy stop-and-start traffic? Notice how they generally let giant holes open in front of them?"

That's a direct effect of mass, not because truckers are interested in making traffic better.

Cities aren't the only ones who try to get away with this. I was ticketed by campus police for parking on railroad tracks. I sent in a photo of the car, parked on the tracks, with the decades-abandoned tracks running right under the pavement still in frame a few feet from the car, along with a note that told them to go fuck themselves. Never heard anything more about it.

"That's about one drink for a woman weighing less than 120 lbs., two for a 160 lb. man."

Of what? Wine? 3.2 beer? Everclear? How many Olympic-sized swimming pools of this mystery liquid would it take to put half a football field full of average-sized men (lined up head to feet) over the new legal limit?

Suck it, AP.

"Wait till that gene transfers to the weeds."

It already has.

Bill Gates opens up Steve Jobs. "Yup, still dead."

Relax, citizens. Stasi has only your best interests at heart.

Slashdot: news for people who just came out of a two-year coma. Stuff that mattered.

Worked amazingly well from where I'm sitting.

"Terrorists can"

I'mma let you finish, Yee, but...no, wait, I'm not going to let you finish. Shut the fuck up.