So I log in to slashdot this evening to find this . RailGunner, I thought you were going to keep him out of trouble for me? Dear, sweet John, you are in serious need of help.

I offer this in reply:

My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh.
My love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky.
My love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change my love

Something happened to my heart the day that I met you
Something that I never felt before
You are always on my mind no matter what I do
And everyday it seems that I want you more

My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh.
My love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky.
My love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change my love

Once I thought that love was meant for anyone else but me
Once I thought you'd never come my way
Now it only goes to show how wrong we all can be
For now I have to tell you everyday

My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh
My love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky
My love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change my love

My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh
My love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky
My love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change my love

- Petula Clark, "My Love"

+++

Tonight I am almost feeling functional. My best friend dragged me out for pizza a little while ago and I think it is exactly what I needed, more so for the fresh air than the pizza (although the pizza was appreciated just the same). I am tired of being tired, and I am tired of being sick.

Ever onward. But for now, I'm going back to bed.

For my beloved:

Show me the colour of love
Somehow it seems like a sign from above
Get closer
Love is all we need
The colour of love

I have been watching you all night
I know you can feel it too
I'm trembling inside
I love you

Back in time we met
Those days we had I'll never forget
I can't live without you
A love so true

Show me the colour of love
Somehow it seems like a sign from above
Get closer
Love is all we need
The colour of love

True love is what you've given me
I'll be there if you feel the same
You're the one I see
There's no shame

Back in time we met
Those days we had I'll never forget
I can't live without you
A love so true

Show me the colour of love
Somehow it seems like a sign from above
Get closer
Love is all we need
The colour of love

Back in time we met
Those days we had I'll never forget
I can't live without you
A love so true

Show me the colour of love
Somehow it seems like a sign from above
Get closer
Love is all we need
The colour of love

"Colour of Love" - Amber MC Cremers

+++

All right, now that we have that out of the way, and now that we have removed all doubt as to how I feel about John... Allow me to elaborate on my absence of late. I am ill. Very ill. I am on some heavy-duty medication that makes me very tired and upsets my stomach worse than the flu ever has done. I am in DC again, this time under the watchful eye of my best friend who is taking good care of me while the doctors figure out what they need to do for me.

I feel like utter crap right now, in a physical sense. Fortunately, that's not especially important in the grand scheme of things. Unfortunately, I haven't the kind of energy levels to which I am accustomed, so I am offline most of the time - I've not read email in weeks.

To those of you that find this JE (and some of John's JEs) sticky-sweet....oh well. Sometimes that happens. He's worth it, and I'll not hide my feelings.

Please take good care of him for me while I'm away.

- Koria

For my beloved:

City lights shine on the harbor
Night has fallen down
Through the darkness and the shadow
I will still go on

Long Long Journey
Through the darkness
Long Long way to go
But what are paths across the ocean to the heart that's coming home?

Where the road runs through the valley
Where the river flows
I will follow every highway
To the place I know

Long Long Journey
Through the darkness
Long Long way to go
But what are paths across the ocean to the heart that's coming home?

Long Long Journey
I don't know where
Long Long way to go
But what are sighs and what is sadness to the heart that's coming home?

Long Long Journey
Through the darkness
Long Long way to go
But what are paths across the ocean to the heart that's coming home?

Long Long Journey
I don't know where
Long Long way to go
But what are sighs and what is sadness to the heart that's coming home?

"Long Long Journey", by Eithne Patricia Ní Bhraonain

Much is happening to me and with me, and not all of it is to my liking. I am exhausted, frustrated, and lost.

I am far from home, although I am not sure what place I consider home right now. I am, for all intents and purposes, drifting along without a sail on rough seas, trying to figure out what I feel and how I should feel. There are several possibilities, and many of them bring out a deep, seething fear that I cannot conquer. As such I have embarked on a trek to find the stability I need, so that I can realign my compass and make the decisions I need. My faith has been shaken through this, and I am not sure when the rain will stop and when the winds will die down. Please be patient with me.

I've not had opportunity to check my email, but I will get to it when I am grounded again. To anyone who has sent messages to me, I apologize for the lack of response, but know that I am without regular access to the net.

A couple of you will say that I am being unfair, that no one is an island and that you need your friends and family to help when life becomes overhwelmingly difficult. Unfortunately, I would have to agree. Such is the way life ebbs and flows on occasion. I cannot deal with it right now.

Hello world here's a song that we're singing
Come on get happy
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringing
We'll make you happy

We had a dream we'd go travelin' together
And spread a little lovin', then we keep moving on
Something always happens whenever we're together
We get a happy feeling when we're singing a song

Travelin' along there's a song that we're singin'
Come on get happy
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy

All right, I had a bad weekend. It's better now and I have worked out the problem to my satisfaction. Sometimes I do really dumb things; this past weekend would be a shining example of such.

I am still gearing up for the move. I have most of my stuff packed and it is a matter of just getting a few more things done here. Namely, I have a few more things to pack, a refrigerator and oven to clean, and a bedroom or two to paint. My best friend has been a big help already, and I am calling on her again to come over to help.

If all goes according to plan, I will be done in a few more days and will be out by the beginning of next week.

Load up on guns
Bring your friends
It's fun to lose
And to pretend
She's over bored
And self assured
I know, I know
A dirty word

Hello hello hello hel-lo
Hello hello hello hel-lo
Hello hello hello hel-lo
Hello hello hello

With the lights out
It's less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid
And contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yeah

(hey)

(hey)

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

hello hello hello hel-lo
hello hello hello hel-lo
hello hello hello hel-lo
hello hello hello

With the lights out
It's less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid
And contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yeah

(hey)

(hey)

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard
It's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind

hello hello hello hel-lo
hello hello hello hel-lo
hello hello hello hel-lo
hello hello hello

With the lights out
It's less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid
And contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido

A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial,
A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial,
A denial.

-- Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

Another day I call and never speak
And you would say nothing's changed at all
And I can't feel much hope for anything
If I won't be there to catch you if you fall

Again (oh again)
It seems we meet (meet and mend)
In the spaces (spaces safe)
In between (between intent)
We always say (say too much)
Won't be long (long been gone)
Oh, but something's always wrong

Another game of putting things aside
As if we'll come back to them sometime
A brace of hope, a pride of innocence
And you would say something has gone wrong

Oh again (again we fail)
Seems we meet (make amends)
In the spaces (wend our way)
In between (between each end)
We always say (looking back)
Won't be long (moving on)
Oh but something's always wrong

And again (again we fail)
Seems we meet (meet amends)
In the spaces (spaces safe)
In between (between each end)
We always say (say too much)
Won't be long (long been gone)
Oh, but something's always wrong
Something's always wrong
Something's always wrong

-- Toad the Wet Sprocket, "Something's Always Wrong"

In a nutshell, a horrible morning. I hope everyone's weekend starts off better than mine has done.

This morning I have a tune that I cannot escape, "Remover" by Carlo Resoort. It is an instrumental techno piece, and for whatever reason I am into it. So, as I've the house to myself and I've no one to whom I need to answer here, I decided to crank it up. With a lot of my things in boxes or already gone, I have the echo chamber effect and it makes it that much more intoxicating for me. When it ends - deafening silence, almost unnerving.

This one is quickly becoming a favorite.

I spent the weekend with my parents again, and I had an interesting experience while there. My mother feeds the hummingbirds, and she still has her feeders stocked and hung. I was looking out the kitchen window this morning and noticed something odd about the feeder, and finally figured out that which I was seeing - an enormous blue and black butterfly (no idea of the species) had settled on the hummingbird feeder and was helping itself. It sat there for quite a while, then whimsically fluttered off.