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Journal: Bill O'Reilly, Jesse Jackson, nuts, JonBenet...What!?!?!11 2

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
I felt using the MSNBC article was only appropriate in this JE.

Too much irony, disgrace and just what I expect... I have to learn not to sit down in front of the tv with people who come in the room and flip through channels leaving them on each channel just long enough for this crap to hit me. I didn't make it out of the room before hearing something about the JonBenet case either.

If we can build a smart chip to filter out sex and violence, can we build one to filter out this stuff? I don't mind if you put it in my tv against my will...

b*tch, moan, rant, whine...
User Journal

Journal: How Do These People Sleep At Night? 4

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
This is the article where I was stunned to read about this massive contract first. I also watched the news on the tele tonight because of the wild fire coverage and heard it mentioned there too. I suppose when you hear about anyone making this much money in the midst of so much negativity it makes them sound greedy.

Why yes Virginia, you're the one that is out of touch here with reality and not the parties involved...

I know that $400 million or whatever the figure is wouldn't help my insomnia--the tossing and and turning that keeps me up each night. I've never had anything close to that amount of money. In the way you know these things about yourself, I just know that having that much money would make it worse for me. I'm already taking 20mg of ambien a night too...
User Journal

Journal: uneasy days 2

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
My dear old poetic cousin Robert Frost has a quote that I keep on the bathroom mirror: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." This assures that I have to read his advice upon starting my day and ending it.

The world seems dim these days even with the lifting of my depression. That is to say that I can again see colors, but they are not shades that please me. Though a lot of my heroes and friends tell me that comes with age, I'm not content to believe--deep within parts of my mind I will always be young. That and I have a memory loss disease so my take on the world before is evanescing rapidly.

It has been such a long week, I can't tell you the day because I have so few hours of sleep. I do hope Sarah can sing me to sleep finally:


Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

exerpt from Answer by Sarah McLachlan

~wbgg
User Journal

Journal: What a shitty Monday! 1

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
George Carlin fucking died!!! That just bloody sucks. He was a funny funny man responsible for a lot of laughter. May he rest in peace. My heart goes out to his family and loved ones! I'll miss you George!

unapologetic for my potty mouth on this occasion,
~WBGG
User Journal

Journal: Auditory Identity (random rictameter, non modified) 1

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
Auditory Identity

Listen.
Don't just hear me--
within my timid tones.
This voice prone to raise herself, else;
Demand an audience, above life's din.
Heed instead, my soft silences;
significance in stillness.
Meet my soft say--
Listen.



Constructive criticism is always encouraged, especially when I post the poetry! General thoughts, musings and intelligent discussion also welcome. =) Thanks if you read this.
User Journal

Journal: Fair use clause 3

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
This article about a U.S. District Judge finding against Yoko Ono based on the "fair use" clause jumped out at me. (How unfortunately confusing that in this case the judge shares a last name with the star of the documentary--don't mind me, I have memory problems so I notice names more than the average person.) I am very fond of the song and its name in particular. As a musician that doesn't believe in free downloading without the permission of the creator as well as a fan of the documentary (generic, not this specific title) this is a ride the fence decision for me!

Someone told me once, "Fair is where you show pigs in the fall." That advice made my life easier.

I'm guessing it is not just about free use, but that his music is going to be associated with an idea. Sure, I believe that most of us are old enough and smart enough to make up our own minds. I have no idea what amount Ms. Ono and the rest of the party were suing for (if any) beyond stopping the event. I am the first to admit I don't keep tabs on their financial status or habits. Perhaps it is the idealist in me to hope that the goal of the lawsuit was to separate one idea from another. Regardless of the terms and with respect to the family I make my next comments. I wouldn't want the song in the movie either. However, I believe in freedom of speech. Still, I assume these guys are charging people to show the movie and that is why it ends up in court?

Is this legal decision involving a very profound piece of music mixed with the context of documentary another reminder that even in the current US political climate the First Amendment will still ring out loud and clear? Perhaps the "fair use" clause is an indirect way there or a fluke loophole? This is where I would welcome intelligent discussion. I find it (the clause) showing up interesting. Perhaps it is invoked more often. It didn't help my cause when I made a video commentary about hate with a popular song as background music--my video still got pulled from youtube for "music copyright."
The Media

Journal: Why I don't watch the "news" 6

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
Someone sent me a link to this article about Rachael Ray, donuts, fashion and jihad.

I think I know the commercial that the article refers to. It was so bizarre to me that I didn't notice she was in it, let alone stop to critique her outfit. Eating food that was cooked by a group of welders just seemed unsavory and my brain tuned the rest out.

Much like how I was reading this article and saw Fox news was involved and stopped reading the rest of it.

This amount of irony is outstanding here when there are interesting, important, informative, and humanitarian issues to be addressed.

I will sleep better tonight knowing that my co-workers' donuts are not supporting extremist fashion according to some guy at Fox news. Unfortunately, Rachael Ray's styling consultant is most likely unemployed now due to a "wardrobe malfunction". Hopefully someone has a spare "Save Paris" tee-shirt she can borrow.
User Journal

Journal: Building Rictameters? anyone care to play along 9

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
I haven't seen anything in the site guidelines that doesn't allow threads like this one. Rictameter has more than one form, and for the purpose of this exercise, I'm using the second example found here at Writing.com.

I'm practicing Rictameter, and have seen some less lonely ways to do so.One involved a person posting a piece and the next reply would contain a Rictameter that began with the last word(s) of the former post.

If this is really lame, no problem. I won't get my feelings hurt. It is just more fun to work on these things with friends and strangers.

For the purpose of this thread, I'll take the definition of a rictameter as having 9 lines in the Rictameter modification format (see the above link):

2 syllables
4 syllables
6 syllables
8 syllables
10 syllables
8 syllables
6 syllables
4 syllables
2 syllables



reply along if you desire, please. I don't intend to make fun of any silly lines. The one I'm starting with isn't exactly earth-shattering!


Speechless

Again,
Time slips away.
Yet the boss walks my way.
Why me!? I'm always unprepared.
As if the top of my desk were too slick,
For the key tasks that need to stick.
Word from above-what now?
"You're promoted!"
Speechless.



(don't be shy, everyone starts somewhere...if you feel inclined, try one out starting with "Speechless")
User Journal

Journal: Poetry: Neural Ink Flow (format up in the air) 4

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
Neural Ink Flow

Atramental sight
Grayscale tracks of black and white
Tread across this life

Doppleganger pain in time
How color finds kinder mind





Neural Ink Flow

Atramental sight
Grayscale tracks-
Black and white
Tread across this life

Doppleganger pain in time
How color finds kinder mind




I prefer the westernized Tanka 5-7-5 7-7 even though some people object to using Tanka with English. The second version is a revision suggested by a critic on a writing forum. It breaks the flow I really fancied and the rhyme just doesn't seem right.

Feel free to comment.


**I'm not sure why Doppleganger and Atramental aren't in the spellcheck dictionary--uncommon usage? I'm fairly sure I triple checked spelling with my big dictionary.
User Journal

Journal: healthscare 2

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
about a six weeks ago my psychiatrist was running some tests on my thyroid, and other blood work and the lab ran the wrong the test and it came back with some terribly low score. the score was 150 on a scale of ~1300 to 300 (not sure of the top number due to my poor memory).

my psych explained this indicated that i was unable to metabolize vitamin B-12, and showed me the symptoms of this condition. almost all of them fit the more severe symptoms of my depression or the atypical ones. because i have been treatment resistant to over 60~ meds (in combo), talk therapy and even shock therapy, he considered this a breakthrough find. he didn't seem to sympathize with my worries that it would take at least 6 months for the treatments (there is no cure) to really give us an idea of how much this was contributing to my depressive symptoms.

because he is in a city 5 hours drive from where i'm living, he handed the treatment/long term care over to my primary care physician. my PCP who has taken care of me since i was a child, until i left my home town for 10 years to work in another state after gradutation from college, and i still have care about deeply as a friend, has become part of a crappy medical care facility where he doesn't get to call the shots anymore though. i'm lucky to get an appointment with him after a 2 week wait and even then to get 15 minutes uninterrupted because the strain the insurance company and healthcare system he works under has put him under. he simply couldn't keep his own practice, in our small town with the way US healthcare is broken.

so when i took the instructions and test results from my psych to him, he started me immediately on treatments for something he is calling "pernicious anemia." oh how that first word scares me. i tried so hard to corner him to ask him what it all means because its difficult to get more than 10 minutes at the most out of any doctor's undivided attention, but he just gave me a quick explanation and basically told me it was going to mean injections the rest of my life but any damage was probably reversible. he said it was a great catch. and then got paged off to some emergency while some member of his nursing staff came in and asked me what i was there for all over again. *sigh* she had to look up his notes and the prescription he'd called in for the injection stuff.

they had enough in the hospital, which is connected to the medical facility (its a small town 10k) to give me the first injection but told me its cheaper to just bring my own.

i looked it up online and its an auto-immune condition and often comes with other conditions. joy.

i'm left frustrated that no one caught this before, seeing as how all the symptoms lined up with mine, it was only found because some lab performed a test it wasn't supposed to. i'm scared because the doctors both candy coated the condition for me, after reading up on it at the Mayo Clinic and many other resources, symptoms are not always reversible, depending on how long the condition has existed undetected. i'm also scared at how lightly everyone seems to be taking this, my psych is telling me to just wait 6 months of the treatment, that this could be the huge breakthrough that helps me to get back on my feet again. well, i've heard that from so many doctors. thats what they said about the SSRIs, the SNRIs, the ECT, Cognitive therapy and the VNS pacemaker, which my insurance company decided to not let me have at the last minute.

meanwhile, to them i guess waiting 6 months shouldn't be any big deal to me. but i've been feeling crummy for 14 years, and especially the last 4, where my energy and mood dropped so low i couldn't even work part time. neither doctor wanted to hear me tell them "waiting 6 months" is like some huge, long, scary, iffy, and unknown. when i started to cry, they both told me that if i wanted to get better i had to be patient

well is 14 years not patient enough? maybe they could show some bedside manner. i know they can't hug me and give me a lollipop and make it better, but i'm really getting upset with health care. i mean, my mental health care is largely not covered by the high insurance premiums i have. and i wait for hours, for 10 minutes of distracted attention to see doctors about non-mental health issues.

i'm getting to where going to the doctor is just making me feel worse.
User Journal

Journal: hard days 4

Journal by WannaBeGeekGirl
i am just stumbling through the days. between my failing health, some really painful personal losses and what i perceive as a messed up world right now, its all i can do to survive. there are days that i only get out of bed to eat and use the restroom. i can't handle the news.

my friend comes in and turns on comedy central to try to cheer me up, because Lewis Black is on the other night. it was the first time i'd watched tv in ages. i managed to laugh, but then i get all laden down with guilt because i'm laughing about how messed up things are. is that okay? it doesn't seem okay.

i know from a decade+ of severe depression that laughter is one of the best ways to boost my mood. it always works, but i'm so messed up right now i don't know whats okay to laugh about. i mean Black wasn't being intolerant to anyone, other than his language which is bleeped out. this is how i know the depression has me in its grip. i'm feeling guilty for laughing over Lewis Black and The Daily Show.

i just want these days to end or ease up. i don't need some candy-coated world, but i'm in survival mode and its so hard, i've been there so long. i'm so weary. /whine off

Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!"

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