to be honest i never met a job i truly enjoyed. i had a hard time keeping work but eventually they realized i was seriously mentally ill. i am on medicine, i changed my life goals, and i have almost zero debt and i have only been happier in childhood. somedays i am happier than that too. why? i quit competing with everyone else because i didn't have to anymore.
i quit gaming, i gave up on ever being a writer, but i didn't give up on humanity. there are days i miss being at the top of my game (ranked above 800 on random team warcraft3 tft) but i am able to be happy now without a whole lot of video games. if i spent a month training i could easily get past level 30 on the ladder again, but the thrill would come at the cost of sanity.
so instead i spend a little time doing other tasks. i find it quite easy to relax. i have a girlfriend. i talk to an elderly lady during the day, i spend many hours online. i talk to a professional, sometimes i spend hours just thinking about random things. the corporations sell that life needs to be complex and difficult that without stimulation they sell to us we would be unhappy.
i admit medicines have helped me, but i am doing very good and with the exception of childhood i haven't been happier even though i do very little that 'they' say is worthwhile. true i have no debt, i no longer have a 'bad' plan that was ruining my life and bringing unnecessary drama and depression.
my body rejects wheat as a food source now so i avoid every grain except corn, and because i am finally dealing with my overweight problem i have lost 22 lbs, on a low carb diet but it is getting harder to stick to, because of people worried i am not getting what they consider necessary calories, at 220 lbs and 5'6" i could still lose another 20-40 lbs and then have 'enough' carbs to maintain. but all around i am doing just fine, the winter has made walking less safe and also too cold for me, but come spring i will get exercise again.
but feel worthless? not a minute of my day do i feel worthless. i felt worthless when i was in a state of insanity where i made all the wrong choices for the sake of making the wrong choices... where i had to compete when i wrote useless bots on irc bringing depression to countless people who don't even try to cyber stalk me, when i left.
anyways i am happy doing just about nothing. life doesn't have to be bad.