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User Journal

Journal: The one thing you need in life

Journal by Jafafa Hots

If there is one gift you could give your child, only one thing or trait you could leave them with, the most important is self-confidence. Self-confidence, mixed with the proper amount of humbleness (which is NOT the opposite) is the one thing from which all other skills and accompishments can come.

Unlike my father, who took (and still takes) every opportunity to belittle and diminish our self-worth, our feeling of ability and competence, I think that if I were lucky enough to ever become a dad I would make sure to instill a feeling of self-confidence in my child.

My child would feel able. I would also be sure my child knew they were loved. Unfortunately it's unlikely I'll ever be able to be a dad.

User Journal

Journal: beer and women

Journal by Jafafa Hots

maybe I've been drinking too much lately. I dunno.

The women are at each other's throats again. I don't understand them. I feel like I'm caught in a tug-o-war.

User Journal

Journal: today

Journal by Jafafa Hots

got back from Chautauqua.

Reestablished contact with Susie. Thought she was tired of me, but she's great. No one in my life has ever stood by me the way she has.

User Journal

Journal: Root Planing and Scaling 4

Journal by Jafafa Hots

Ever have this done?
Had 3 quadrants done earlier this year, not a big deal. Had the 4th done today, by a different person this time.
She was fucking brutal.
Ow, I'm in pain.

Bad day. Had a meltdown on phone with therapist and sister.

User Journal

Journal: Shit. 4

Journal by Jafafa Hots

Well, been back home from the psych ward about 4 days now and the depression is coming back. I'm not suicidal again (yet), though... but this place is really fucking up my head.

Stopped taking the depakote, it was giving me serious chest pains.
That freaked out my therapist, but I'm not gonna be up all night writhing on the floor in pain each night...

Things are just generally going kind of sucky, but I'm getting a little help now.

User Journal

Journal: I've been released 7

Journal by Jafafa Hots

After a week's stay in the pysch ward of the local hospital, I've been released. Been staying at my sister's for a few days.

Diagnosis: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Mild Cognitive Disfunction.

Treatment: Depakote.

This shit is giving me bizarre dreams.

User Journal

Journal: Hooray 1

Journal by Jafafa Hots

Went to my niece's high school graduation yesterday, I'm proud of her.

She was valedictorian... the crowd let out an audible gasp when they heard that she got a perfect score, 1600, on her SATs.

She's going to Duke.
She's a heckofa great kid, and a beautiful young woman. ... love that kid.

"Mach was the greatest intellectual fraud in the last ten years." "What about X?" "I said `intellectual'." ;login, 9/1990