It's not a horrible contract if both parties agreed to it
It's a horrible contract if it purports to require that consumers pay ESPN even if they don't want it. In fact, that's arguably illegal.
Well, the contract doesn't require that consumers pay EPSN. The contract requires that Verizon pays ESPN. Verizon could theoretically offer ESPN to their customers for the 5 months of football season, and then drop the rates during the rest of the year. However, that wouldn't absolve Verizon from having to pay ESPN for the entire year. But that's Verizon's problem.
14 cases of pop every day...going to have negative effects
Drinking 119+ litres of _water_ every day is going to have negative effects. (14 cases, 24 cans of pop per case, 355 mL per can, 119.28 L) Healthy kidneys can process about 0.8 - 1 L per hour... so 119 L in, 24 L out, where's the other 95 L going?
barely moves above walking speed
Hmm.. average walking speed of a human: 3.1 mph. Segway has three speed limits, depending on usage. The lowest speed limit is 6 mph, nearly double the speed of a walking human (I'd call that more than barely), the highest speed limit is 12 mph, nearly 4 times the speed of a walking human. Pretty sure that's much better than a walking human. Sure, it's not Usain Bolt levels of speed (40+ mph.. but only sprinting), but still much better than "barely".