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Iamthefallen's Journal: DBA JOTD 11

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Drill Sergeant: Holy God! Private Pyle! What is this in your table definition?

Private Pyle: Sir, it is a varchar(8000) field, Sir!

Drill Sergeant: And are you allowed to have varchar(8000) fields in your table definitions, Private Pyle?

Private Pyle: Sir, no Sir!

Drill Sergeant: Why is that Private Pyle?

Private Pyle: Sir, because my tables are too wide, Sir!

Drill Sergeant: Because your tables are disgusting fatbodies!

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DBA JOTD

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  • But it's varchar, varchar is your friend! make them 8000000 wide!
    • by RevMike (632002)
      No, No, No! You'll still get really odd space allocations if you do this. And everytime you modify a row like this, you'll get bad fragmentation and chained rows.
      • pfft, fragmentation schmagmentation.

        Real DBAs use an XML block stored in the single ntext field in the table for everything, and like it.

        Like so:

        CREATE TABLE Persons
        (
        PersonInfo NTEXT
        )

        INSERT Persons(PersonInfo)
        VALUES('<person rowid="123" personfirstname="John" personlastname="Jones" />')

        SELECT * FROM Persons
        WHERE PersonInfo LIKE '%personfirstname="'+ @FirstName +'"%'

        mmmm, enterprisey!

  • Wish there was a way to send an internal message. You ever get your box up and running?
    • I got the RMA parts back last Friday and installed them this Wednesday... Now I just need to hook the PSU back up to everything and see if it starts. I'm hoping I can get to that this weekend, even tonight.

      In retrospect, I think that if I'd realized just how little time I'd have to spend on it, I would've bought a pre-built machine.

      But I'm hoping that I can soon download the BF2142 demo and give it a spin.

  • Geek Humor of the Day!

    Always good to start Friday with a smile. :)
  • Leeootenant Dayan tells me there's something called a See-Lob that should be used instead for large string fields such as an ex em ell docue-ment.

    But I don't understayand wut that has to do with shrimp. I'll have to go ask Jennay.
  • Drill Sergeant: Private Pyle! I didn't know they allowed tables that wide. You trying to squeeze an inch on me somewhere, huh?"

    Private Pyle: Sir no Sir! I just....

    Drill Sergeant: Private Pyle! Bull$#!^! I think you got cheated! Where you from anyway?

    etc...etc....etc...
  • Regular reader, really got to get an account.

    Yes that quote was hilarious.

    Oh, and yes, they DO teach us better than that at school. But it sounds like the idiot who did that is one of those types who refuses to try and see things from multiple points of view, and thus didn't learn anything in school (regurgitated information as taught in class, but didn't think it was worth anything cuz "He's always right, profs are always wrong." and thus did not retain it).

    A degree doesn't certify that someone isn't an a
    • I dunno, I can kinda see a developer being told by the lead to just "get it done" and not to worry about table layout for now. It's the persistance by the developer in not getting it right that amazes me. Well, that, and the lead not dealing with the DBA directly.
      • by Com2Kid (142006)

        I dunno, I can kinda see a developer being told by the lead to just "get it done" and not to worry about table layout for now.


        There is "worrying about every last aspect of the table" and then there is "Why should I use types? EVERYING IS A CHAR!!! WOOHOO!!!"

        At least some minimal attempt at proper typing should be automatic... no thought required.

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