here's the key issue: Does it have a nervous system, and does that nervous system couple to something sophisticated enough to convert those signals into suffering?
Wow, that's your reasoning?! Nervous system + suffering? Make sure you never fall asleep or get put under for surgery or go into a coma. Or better yet don't get instantly killed in any way since you would not suffer. I'm not sure it's the others that are using "hucksterism of philosophy".