Montag Newswire
16 FEBRUARY 2004

Daytona International Speedway
Daytona, Florida

Why No Democrat Voter Registration at Daytona 500?
by Guy Montag

Democrats continue their boycott of anything not controlled by a union, to include the Daytona 500 motor race in sunny Daytona, Florida.

Following the lead of their most important constituency, the DNC boycotted the non-union event. "It is well known that the oppressed drivers are non-union, this Fascist institution must end. Promote equality not hate, we don't want your Fascist race!"

Others in The Party mentioned feeling uncomfortable that American flags would be displayed by the attendees and feared for their own safety if they expressed themselves by burning the "offensive" cloth.

It was difficult to locate any Democrats for comment until it was discovered that the majority were away in San Francisco, California, standing in line at City Hall.

Update: There was a protest contingent in the parking lot which was the center of an altercation. When a Dale Jr. fan was walking by, in an authentic racing suit, one protester exclaimed "where is your gold star?"

The puzzled fan replied that did not know if Dale Jr. was sponsored by Texaco, to which the protestor called the Jr. fan a "Fascist, Capitalist, baby-killing bastard."

This happened only once and the protestor could not be found for further comment.