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FortKnox's Journal: The Dukes of Hazzard 13

Journal by FortKnox
When I heard they were making a movie, I thought "sweet!" It was a childhood (and collegehood) show of mine, and I thought it'd be perfect with the right cast (Owen and Luke Wilson ARE PERFECT FOR THE ROLES!).
I heard Jessica Simpson as Daisey, and didn't think too badly about it. Hardly any speaking roles, just there for eyecandy.

But now I look at the IMDB Page. Johnny Knoxville... Seann William Scott... Willie Nelson... Jessica Simpson. Did the director really think, "OK, lets get every major part and give it to people that can't act at all!" I mean... come on... how worse could you get for casting? What's worse, Burt Reynolds (who has had a couple good films) as boss hog? HE ISN'T FAT! And Uncle Jesse is a fat dude, too... Willie Nelson is thin as a frickin rail!

No one yet to play Cooter or Roscoe P Coltraine. My guess? I dunno, Cooter played by Rosey O'Donnell... and Roscoe played by The Rock. That'll pretty much seal the deal as it winning all the Razzies in a row.

Oh how hollywood trounces on past memories (don't even get me started on video game movies... please oh please oh please don't ever make a movie on Zelda or Metroid... PLEASE!).

Update: I had to say something.... Metroid being released in 2k6. This is sacrilege!
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The Dukes of Hazzard

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  • Yeah, I think the Wilson brothers ROCK, but it ends there with the Dukes movie. Although, I do often get a kick out of that American Pie guy. He's just funny to me.

    I think the movie will suck. I wish Owen Wilson would go back to working with Wes Anderson again and make some more things along the line of Bottle Rocket [imdb.com], Rushmore [imdb.com], and Royal Tenenbaums [imdb.com] for us. :)
  • I have a new EJB developer named Critter - lives in Georgia.

    And that my friend is no bullshit. True story. ;)
  • Jessie is merely a redneck. I don't know that size matters much, except as a comparison to Boss Hog. Speaking of whom, Burt Reynolds does get a bit of the Oprah weight yoyo going on. No, never as big as Sorrell Booke, but certainly not as slim as 'The Bandit'.

    As far as Cooter? Given the fact that his time in Congress is done, why not have Ben Jones [cootersplace.com]?
  • I'd have had to protest.
  • The Hazzard County cash crop has moved from corn squezein's to pot over the last 25 years. Even better if Uncle Jesse knows how to cook meth for a living. Imagine, Jessica Simpson, glassed over eyes, no teeth, and a neck tat looking for Litium bateries and sudafed in wal-mart, sounds perfect to me.
  • by Tet (2721) *
    Well, I didn't even know they were making a film of it. Even here in the UK, it was part of my childhood, and I used to watch it every Saturday evening. What do I expect from the film? Well, I expect it to suck, and to be anything but faithful to the original. Most importantly, I expect them to have updated the real star of the series, the General Lee. Probably with some hopped up ricer Type-R crap. What I don't expect (and what the film needs to succeed) is a genuine muscle car[1]. Ideally a '69 charger. I
    • Better looking than Jessica Simpson. I'm not a fan of her, but i have to give it to her, that she is reallly hot. Though, it is easier to find someone more volumptuous
  • by nizo (81281)
    Oh how hollywood trounces on past memories

    Just wait until they remake Gilligan's Island and Land of the Lost. You know it is gonna happen, since the hollywood masses couldn't come up with a new idea to save their lives.

    I used to watch it too, but I find it disturbing that a show with some serious racist overtones (all white cast, confederate flag on top of car, no plot beyond getting Daisy to bend over and look at something, etc etc) could have been so damn popular. Wait what the hell am I saying nevermind

  • I met James Best [imdb.com], the original Boss Hog, Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane, at the Melbourne Independent Filmmakers Festival [3boysproductions.com] last month.

    Photo of Mr. Best and myself is here. [graftacs.com]

    He has a indie film production company with an office at Universal Studios, Orlando. He was ranting that Hollywood has lost its creativity and is doing nothing original. Do tell.

  • I have wanted to see him in more movies. I pretty much liked everything he made that I have seen (which probably isn't much).

    jason
  • It is, in fact, worse than that. Doom [imdb.com] is coming to the big screen.

The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program documentation. -- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"

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