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FortKnox's Journal: Was the "Geeky" Way, the Right Way? 22

Journal by FortKnox
I'm refering to CmdrTaco's proposal.
He did it, in my opinion, the "geeky" way. On a public website, to his girlfriend, in front of millions of geeks.
What ever happened to on one knee when you are alone with a ring?

I thought about doing stuff like getting people to hold up signs, and announcing it on TV, or something of that matter, but I did it the old fashioned way. I know a couple women read my journal. Honestly, what way would you prefer?

I don't think women really dig the whole "geeky" way as much as they appreciate the personal time, especially when they can grab you and hug you, and generally be with you on one of their (hopefully) happiest moments.

Now, as a disclaimer, I think marriage is a wonderful thing, and am very happy for Rob & Katherine. Regardless of how he does it, it'll be a great time. Sure, he's happy now, but wait until she pregnant and moody ;-)
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Was the "Geeky" Way, the Right Way?

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  • I've been dating my g/f for three years as of last Tuesday. She's warned me that should the day come, dont do it at Phillies, Orioles, Phantoms, or any other sports event (although, me in a Phils shirt and her in an O's would be quite interesting). She's also warned me about any other publci spectacles of ourselves, so it looks like I'm stuck with traditional methods. Of course, I still have many years before I pop the question.

    As for CT, I think it's great that he did it the way he did. Truely original and creative. May many years of happiness to those two follow.
    • Hmmm, I wasn't able to reply to the root thread, so I'll put this here...

      ...and I thought *my* life revolved around slashdot just a bit too much!

      I think what he did is great. The question of whether this is the 'right' way of course depends on the people involved.

      Proposing via a jumbotron at the nicks game isn't for everyone, but for a couple that are great nicks fans, hey - whatever floats your boat.

      I proposed to my wife in front of her family. I knew that this would actually make it special for her, being able to share that moment with her mom and dad. Another couple might have found that uncomfortable, preferring a private, romantic setting in which to have that moment.

      Proposing via slashdot on valentines day is something they will both always remember and be able to tell their kids about. Rob obviously knew enough about his intended to anticipate how she would take this. Seems it touched her 'dork. you made me cry'.

      To each his own.
  • Having had very recent experience in this area, I can assure you that pretty much any way will work. ;)

    Personally I caught my, now fiancee of a month, off guard. I was pretty sick, but feeling well enough to go out to a nice steak dinner at a really nice restaurant in town for our '3 month dating' anniversary, 1 day AFTER our 3 months anniversary day. (She suggested how badly she wanted steak the day before). Since I hadn't asked on the official day, she was now at a complete loss as to when to expect 'the question.' (This finally got her to trust me enough to just leave the timing up to me). Needless to say when I proposed to her at her apartment on bended knee, her jaw dropped wide open and she was nearly speechless. (I did finally coax several yes' in a row out of her after about 2 minutes wearing her new ring. ;) ).

    Best wishes, Rob!

    • 3 months dating and then engagement? Wow, you jumped right into it, there, didn't ya? ;-)

      I spent 4 years dating my wife before proposing, but I can't say much, cause we got married last april 28th, and my wife's due May 10th.

      So you jumped the first step, I jumped the second ;-)

      Might I suggest what I suggested to Taco. DisneyWorld is a fabulous honeymoon spot. I didn't really think I was gonna have much fun, but my wife and I had an absolute blast there.
      And, if you decide to go there, try "Discover Cove". Its a place to do snorkling with sting rays, swim with dolphins, and stuff all day inland (instead of traveling out to the ocean or gulf). Its an all day affair, but you have to put in reservations several months in advance (they only let a small number of people in the park, which is great, cause I hate crowds). They feed you (the food was fabulous, btw), so the money you spend on the reservations is all you'll need that day (unless you buy a sovenier). That was, by far, the best part of the honeymoon.

      Oh, and congrats on the engagement! :-)
      • Hehe :)

        Thanks for the idea, however, we're getting married officially now, on the 27th of July, 2002. Hottest week in the entire year here in Ohio. So we're looking to go to someplace cool, like Colorado or Canada. I lived in Florida for two years, and there is no way you're getting me down there in the middle of the summer! :)

        BTW, 25 is far too long to 'wait' for much longer if you get my drift, so 3 months wasn't THAT fast. ;)

        • Try Canada. Very picturesque, lots of stuff (biking, swimming, golf, etc.) and VERY cheap, as most of the resorts are geared for skiing. Nice exchange rate.

          Wife and I went for our honeymoon in Canada and stayed for millenium eve. Best time of our lives.

          See my (to be posted after this comment) other post in this thread for my other thoughts.

      • That does seem fast, but 4 years seems pretty long too...

        I've never been married, and have not yet met someone I was prepared to marry, but it seems to me that I would know all I need to know after taking a vacation together and living together a couple of months, so I might be ready in 4 or 5 if things move really fast.

        Anyway, with the divorce rate what it is, the bar is pretty low so only 3 months probably doesn't make a difference!

  • Seriously. I don't know her, you don't know him, etc. Maybe it is right for the two of them. Personally, I don't think the right girl for me would go for this kinda stunt, but that's me.

    For those taking notes, wife and I dated online and ftf for about 5.5 years before marriage (late 1999).

    And I'm here to spin a cautionary tale. Why? Because even though we don't do Valentine's Day (both of us despise it), I must admit to being a bit jealous. So take this with a grain of salt, call it sour grapes, and move on:

    Don't forget the 'or worse part, CT'. Yeah, you can picture the 'or worse' when you are 75 years old, and the CTS is so bad you can no longer masturbate to Natalie Portman porn (this is as funny as it gets folks. Prepare for self-pity, and probably too much information for a public board.) You forsee picking up Depends instead of StayFree (and trust me, if you aren't already, you will be buying them. Even if you buy nothing else, you will become acquainted with the world of feminine hygiene products) out of your social security check.

    But it can happen before you hit 30. Or, before you hit 28, as is the case of my wife. About a week before her 28th birthday, she started complaining of numbness in her feet. Over the next month, that turned into who knows what neurological illness. Possibly Guilan-Barre. Maybe not. Neurology is witchcraft.

    This previously vibrant, beautiful woman can't walk. Can't hear or see. Can't even pick up her 8 month old baby. She needs help to get dressed. Get to the toilet. Bathe. Eat. But that is not enough.

    Nope. She also gets excruciating pain. See, the disease she has attacks the linings of the nerves. Signals from the brain leak out before getting to the limbs. Signals TO the brain... Those aren't stopped. Any random thing fires off a pain receptor. Little things like... Breathing. Your heart beating. With about 50 pills per day (and yes, we've thrown in a few natural or homeopathic substances as well. I, the holder of a B.Sci., son of a doctor, have bought these BS remedies. Why? If it can't hurt, I'll do any damned thing that has the slightest theoretical or anecdotal evidence that may help.) she is able to not cry constantly from the pain. Well, most of the time. Except at night.

    Thank god for good insurance. And thank god for being in the family business. I have been to work for three hours since 1/7. Granted, if CT were in that position, certainly the proofreading on the site would improve.

    All isn't bad. Chances are about 95% that she'll make a full recovery. Bad news is that it can take up to two years. And there is still the 1 in 20 chance that she won't recover.

    And it doesn't have to be disease. It can be a car accident or a million other things.

    I'm happy for CT. Not as happy as I am that my sister is getting married this October, but happy nonetheless. But don't enter into this lightly.

    I've recently heard about two annoying things: trial marriages, and pro-ana websites. Seem totally unrelated? Let me cover the latter first. These morons intentionally want to destroy their bodies. I've seen anorexics. I see my wife's body destroying itself. It's not pretty. If you want to have a decrepit, broken down body, trade my wife for hers. You'll get no complaints from her. Second is trial marriages. There is no trial. Any ceremony I've heard of says this is a one-shot, forever kind of deal. You're making a promise. Keep it. (Sure, there are many instances of times when it doesn't work out. Both my parents are on their second marriages (to each other) and both are in MUCH better situations now. The thing is, this doesn't disprove anything. They got married for reasons that had nothing to do with love or committment.) Don't weasel out. Don't do this lightly.

    I also speak of the ceremony, reception, whatever. Neither Angie nor I cared about anything other than the vows. Everything else was BS that doesn't matter.

    I implore CT, and anyone else contemplating marriage: make sure you can do it. It is tough. And it was tough before Angie got sick. Shacking up really isn't the same (we did it for about 18 months prior to marriage). Or at least it shouldn't be. If you look on marriage as 'legally recognized shacking up', do everyone a favor, and don't get married.

    It would be easy to send Angie back to be with her parents. To get a divorce. She's actually said (in her weaker moments) that that is what I should do, since it would be easier on me. But that is not what marriage is. It's about sticking it out. 'Being a man' if you will.

    It's not all serious. There has been FAR more laughter than tears. We'd be stupid to have gotten married if that weren't the case. And most of the time, I've been happier and more complete than at any time prior. But there *can* be a price (and I emphasize that, because there might not be one. It is only a possibility) The question that must be asked is: is she so important to you, is her utter and total happiness so important to you that you would walk through the gates of [hell, M$, NYSE, Congress] and back for her? And does she feel the same as you?

    If so, who cares how long you have known each other, what your parents say, or how you proposed. Just do it. And keep your promise.

    Okay, enough preaching. Wish I was drunk, so I could blame my ramblings on that. But mostly I'm just sore and tired. FortKnox, thanks for the soapbox. I'm returning it now.

    • Wow, there isn't much I can say about this. I hope she gets well soon. I'll keep you guys in my prayers and all that.
      Being a religious man, I can tell you I hold marriage very high, but our society doesn't, unfortunately. "Divorce is always an option" is almost like a motto. Wish Divorce was banned or something, or only used in extreme cases (like wife beating, etc...). Sorry, but there is no such thing as "falling out of love". It just means you were never in love to begin with. Bah, I could talk hours about our current society, but won't. Hoepfully it will get better in a few years...

      Anywho, back to the point, Never give up hope (after going this far, I don't anticipate that you will).
      • Right now, it's like a kernel compile: I'm 99% sure it will work, but it's a serious PITA to wait around and find out.

        Or something. Good thing it is her, not me. I could NOT deal with what she is going through.

      • To both of you...hear hear. Thank you for saying that. Good to hear other people say what I've always thought about marriage.

        And gmhowell, I'm sure all of us are behind your wife 100% and hope that she's able to pull out of this. And she's lucky to have someone strong enough to stand by her like you. You're both pretty damn amazing if you ask me.
      • Wish Divorce was banned or something, or only used in extreme cases (like wife beating, etc...).
        I don't believe involving the government would help any. If people don't prepare for marriage, if they jump in without any kind of personal growth and development, then they will most likely fail.

        I don't think one could find a single root cause for divorce ("all of the above," most likely), but passing a law just means that they'll do it in a back-alley.

        Take it this way: two friends of mine are a gay couple who were married in a gay-marriage-legal state. They now live in Texas (god help them), so they are constantly breaking the law and their marriage is "illegal." It doesn't matter to them, because they are married and have made the committment. Like other married couples, they've gone through some bad times but they still stick it out. It doesn't matter that the government has ruled their union to be illegal and immoral. It hasn't stopped them.

        I have to say that once you get the paper things do change, but unless you make the committment in your heart, no law and/or paper will mean jack. My recipe for a strong marriage (which has kept us together through all the thick and thin):

        1. If the S.O. did something that aggravates/bugs/hurts you, you must discuss it in a timely, calm, constructive manner.
        2. Decide up front what to do about the $$$, let both parties have equal access and responsibilities to his or her liking (for example, my S.O. does all the finances, and I hand over the check. It works for us.)
        3. Communicate. Share. Spend fun time togther.
        Oh yeah, the last one:

        The only way out is if one partner abuses the other and refuses to get help or death.

  • She said yes, so it was

    Personally, I don't like it. He proposes on a web page, she answers by e-mail. They are not physicaly together. He can't see her face of surprise. No hug afterwards. Too impersonal for a marriage proposal.

    But she liked it, so what do we know, it's between them.
  • CmdrTaco was on TechTV [slashdot.org] today. They talked about was it right for them. Basically she said he was glad he did it that way. She was at work and (of course) /. is her homepage. She said she screamed so loud several people came to see if she was OK. They seem very compatible.

    I went for a little more traditional Valentine gift. I put a rose on my girl's doorstep on the way to work this morning... I got a very nice message on my cell voicemail. ;-) She's not really a "computer person" though. You really have to tailor it to your mate.

    As for the honeymoon discussions. I suggest Aruba. It is about 85 degrees F year round. It's also one of the most beautiful places in the world. I plan on spending my honeymoon there.

    • My wife is definately not the techie (when I say the word "slashdot" she just rolls her eyes). Anywho, I actually heard horror stories about Aruba. Have you been there before (I haven't, so its just heresay from me)?
      • Yes, I spent 4 days there a few years ago. I had a great time. We went through a travel agent, and got a package. IIRC it was about $900/person and that included direct flight from Atlanta, 4 days/3 nights, hotel, and all meals and drinks in the hotel complex (like 6 different places to eat).

        There is almost no crime (although a native kid on the beach tried to sell me some pot) and everyone speaks English, Spanish, and Papiamento (native tongue). Most speak French and German, too. They have a pretty nice web site [aruba.com]. It's a nice place to go.

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. - Al Capone

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