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FortKnox's Journal: A Whole New FK.... 15

Journal by FortKnox
As I mentioned last week, my wife left Thursday morning for a wedding in Philly. So I've been by myself for a few days now (and even more, since she's snowed in and can't return until Wednesday or later). Its made me see something...

I'm not the person I thought I was.
I always thought of myself in my college form. After college was marriage, then Joey graced us with his presence. I never had a chance to sit back and see who I was. I've done that now. So its not like I've all of a sudden changed, its just that I've changed slowly without knowing.

I just came to realize quite a bit of stuff. I always craved time to myself, but now that I have it, I dunno what to do with it. I only have two games on my computer (one is "The Sims" for my wife, the other is UT so I can play infiltration). I realized that I haven't upgraded my computer in several years and can't play any new games even if I went out to buy them. I realized that I can only sit through 2 full football games on my 'cube. I realized that when I come home, I routinely kiss my wife and play with Joey. I realized that I depend on my family.

Its quite wierd. Almost as if I've made this major breakthrough in my life and am now a new person. Maybe I am now that I know who I am?
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A Whole New FK....

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  • Watch Fight Club. That will seriously shake up your paradigms even more.
    • I'll second that.
      Oh, and pick up Delta Force: Land Warrior. [novalogic.com] Should run on your machine.
      Remember what agression felt like.
  • Ya know what? (Score:3, Insightful)

    by krugdm (322700) <slashdot AT ikrug DOT com> on Monday February 17, 2003 @02:38PM (#5320571) Homepage Journal

    That happened to me, too. One day it suddenly hit me: Oh my god, I'm a grown-up!

  • Rare is the sudden change.

  • I made the switch from "post-college student" to "man in the world", and I see a lot of friends in in-between stages.

    But whats important is, do you like who you are? Is there anything else you'd also like to be? How does this change in perception of yourself change your outlook on the future?

    If its not too much to ask, I know I'd be interested in all of the above!
    • do you like who you are?

      Very much so. More mature, more family oriented.

      Is there anything else you'd also like to be?

      Honestly, I'm still getting used to who I am than what I could be, so as of right now, I can't think of anything else I'd like to be.

      How does this change in perception of yourself change your outlook on the future?

      I always wanted to be a game developer. I just don't see it anymore. This is pretty big for me. I had set myself up to do just that. Now I dunno what is going to happen to me. I dunno where I'll end up, or how to 'stay happy' with my job. I'll have to take some time and think about this one, now. I've never seen my future as being inconclusive, honestly. There is a guy at work (also a family man) who was interested in trying out developing a game, so who knows... I may end up being a game designer after all...
      • do you like who you are?

        This is an interesting question that can easily be answered with "sure". Not implying that was FK's answer, but at first thought, it's an easy question to answer. When you actually look at the question, it requires much deeper thought. If I may be so bold as to use FK's journal to answer these questions for myself, I'll say that most days I like myself, but I have 2 or 3 nagging flaws that I can't seem to shake, although I can't say that I've put in the real hard work to "fix" them.

        Is there anything else you'd also like to be?

        Programmer. Why I'm not one is related to a nagging flaw.

        How does this change in perception of yourself change your outlook on the future?

        My answer doesn't involve a change in my perception of myself, but it draws into focus how I may change my future. Something happened to me on the way to middle age that could be described as lack of foresight, but I mostly call it a "glass ceiling" of sorts. I was born in 1970. The year 2000 was always a natural barrier, so to speak, in that it was kind of a clean break between the young me and the older me. Looking up from my youth, I would turn 30 that year. Oddly, however, when that year came, I realised that I had never put any thought into the time past that. Not that I never thought about growing old, etc., but that was it. 30. I turn 30 in Y2K. It wasn't a big deal for me, but I've never thought about turning 40, or 50, or 60. Some might see it as an end, but for whatever reason, I saw it as a new beginning, that, hey, I didn't plan beyond this, so it's up to me to plan from here on out now. 30 years until I theoretically retire (ok, less than 30 from now), which is a lot of time. I still plan on becoming a programmer, and I may just do it at my current company. We'll see.

        And to offer some on-topic comments, good for you, FK. Family is very important. It was a familiar read, what you do at the end of the day. I usually don't spend my time alone engaging myself in naked introspection, but I do use it to have my own kind of fun and recharge my "me" batteries. One of the comments I made to my wife one time when we were vacationing together sans kids, was that deep down, underneath all the parenting and responsibilities, we're still "us". It sometimes takes us a day or so to get there (at which time we're usually getting ready to go back home - 3 days isn't nearly enough :), but we're still the same people we were when we met, on a basic level. We fall back into ways of talking, talking about certain subjects, etc. Not "old" ways, as that implies stagnant. But beneath all of the bills and jobs and kids and parents and siblings and responsibilities, we're still us, and I like that.

        Thanks in advance for letting me go off on this tangent, FK.

  • I think I'm in a constant state of flux. Every three years I look back at who I used to be and say, "That can't have been me. How did I get from here to there?" It's really kind of amazing.

    Change, I think, is inevitable. And it's a good thing. Life moves on, and so do we. :)

    • Every three years I look back at who I used to be and say, "That can't have been me. How did I get from here to there?" It's really kind of amazing.

      Did you know every cell in your body is replaced at least once every 3 years?
  • is what was on my sidewalk waiting for me to shovel today.

    Yesterday wasnt too bad - I was able to drive around University City and get to a basketball game, but then stayed at my g/f's last night only to have the car stuck there today, necessitating a walk home, mostly using the streets themselves and not sidewalks.

    I think you said your wife drove. They said on the news that the PA Turnpike is virtually shut down, though it's not actually closed. The governer called into the news show I was watching, and he was advised not to drive into Harrisburg today from Philly. It might be better now, though if they were to get started now - it would still take a slow drive to get to western PA and into OH. Might be best for them to wait until tomorrow and start moving after the morning rush hour clears up a lot of the snow.
  • By the way just finished trying out Infiltration for the last few hours. After going through some "training" i decided to go on a server - one of the MUF servers you recommended. Well, here's a ruff play by play of what happened:

    Me: (Running around and dying over and over)
    Someone else: What a noob
    Me: Hmmm, this isn't that much like CS!
    Other people: ...

    (Later)

    Me: (Running around and shooting wildly at anything that moves...then dying)
    Teammate: Cyrano, use T to talk
    Me: what's up?
    Teammate: You just team killed an admin. It's usually a good idea to apologize?
    Me: Huh? Oh well.
    Teammate: LEAVE NOW

    So you see, infiltration is not going so well. Do you have any tips because there isn't much difference (as I can see) from CS. People seem to just run around at top speed until they see someone, then shoot them (always hitting somehow).

    Since hitting from a fron a range is next to impossible, a fave tactic seems to be to use the silenced MP5 at close range. Not much else seems to work.

    Also, why do mounted machine guns use inverted mouse aiming??? It makes things really difficult. More realism, I suppose.

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