I just deleted half my journal entries because they all appeared so jejune, even to my untrained self that I couldn't stand them anymore.
I now know exactly how much it is that I do not know.
Which is amazing because when I started posting here I thought I knew how much I didn't know and I was all set out to start on this lovely, trippy end user level journey of finding out. I think I even said that. That my Slashdot Journal would log my pedestrian, end user level struggles to learn more about my pc.
But what happened was, I started pretending I knew more than I did and being all hip and savvy (groovy baby) which led me exactly to the trite, Jill Six Pack type of thinking I was trying to get out of. I just posted in the comments where I kind of sorta maybe had a clue and left the (to me) more technical ones alone.
I have learned some, but not half as much as I started out thinking I would.
What I have learned is how much I don't know. What's worse, I now despair of ever learning.
I once wrote a mildly amusing anecdote in response to a comment explaining how I came to Slashdot in the first place that went like this:
Part of the original comment
This site has nothing to offer but a bunch of think-they-are-smart geeks whining about Microsoft and whoring themselves for Apple.
I don't know about the "whoring themselves for Apple" part, but the Microsoft hatred is very strong.
One day, back when I was still using windows and word, word crashed one time too many because I moved a text box from point A to point B. I cried out to the tech gods, "There must be an easier way" and of course I turned to google to find another way. (All hail Linux).
This story is too long at this point, and the post doesn't really matter anyway, but I'll speed things along here. In a moment of extreme frustration I typed into the google search bar "Microsft SUX". The very first search result was a post here at slashdot. I joined up and have been here at least once a day ever since. (Penguins are sexy wise beasts, Amen).
This comment got modded as "2, Funny". I still like the comment about the penguins to this day, but the first sentence is a lie. The story itself is true, except I never did switch to Linux or any other OS or Office type programs. I'm still using Windows and MS Office. In fact, until about a month ago, two months tops, I was still using Internet Explorer. I just thought the joke worked a little better if I said I'd switched. And maybe I was embarassed to admit that I'm still using the system that was tormenting me so badly in the first place. The only thing that's changed since I posted that comment is that after reading a thousand not-so-subtle suggestions here and on Fark, and dying to find out what "tabbed browsing" was all about, I finally downloaded Firefox and use it daily. I even deleted the IE icon in my quick launch bar because I wanted to make a change and make it for good.
See, there I go again. Patting myself on the back for doing nothing that didn't make sense in the first place.
Here's what I'd like. I'd like to talk to someone. An intelligent, kind, patient someone. Who can give me an honest evaluation of the following:
1. What I have to work with now.
2. The kind of things I'd like to do with my pc
3. What I should or should not get to do the things I want to do
4. My chances of learning to do this myself without taking a class
5. My chances of learning to do this myself with very little cash
Maybe I could be a prostigeek? Trade blowjobs for tech knowledge? Maybe I should change my sig to: Will whore for malware cleanup and complete registry edit. Extra fun for clean warez.
Just joking. But that's a small indication of how badly I want to learn more about WHAT my friggin pc is doing behind my back. Or even in front of my face.
Maybe this is my last lifeline. Maybe I'm doing now what I should have done all along. Just ask.
So I'm asking.