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Em Emalb's Journal: Super Secret Cool Cyber Handshakes included! 10

Journal by Em Emalb

Heya folks.

If you would be interested in joining my cult, please let me know. Membership is free, and there is no religious afiliation.

I am just looking to brainwash a few individuals to do my bidding.

Any interest?

Let me know

Benefits include:
saying you know the Great Em personally.

being able to proudly display on your t-shirts "Em for President".

Aforementioned secret cyber handshake.

Two tubes of slightly used K-Y jelly.

One decal saying I threw the poop!

3 patches for your motorcycle jacket and/or Levi jeans jacket.

this offer is too good to pass up folks!!!!

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Super Secret Cool Cyber Handshakes included!

Comments Filter:
  • Sure, why not.
    It's not like Cthulhu was doin anything for me.
    My only question would be, since I lack both motorcycle jacket, and jean jacket, can I simply sew the patches directly to my back?
    • "Can I simply sew the patches directly to my back?"

      Uhm, sorry, sewing is not allowed in this aspect.

      You have to get the iron on version and iron it directly to your back. Centered properly of course. Oh, and that scarring? It'll go away, eventually.

      Semi on-topic, but being an Atlantan, and Baseball fan...did you know that John Smoltz (he's a pitcher if you didn't know...generally pitchers are considered "smarter" than your average fielder for some reason) once missed a start for ironing a shirt? Yep, it's true. Apparently, he forgot to REMOVE the shirt before he ironed it.
      • Smoltz was smart enough to get out of that 7-8 inning starter's job and switch to a closer's position, where if he's good, he'll only have to face 3 batters.

        And what's he doing ironing a shirt? Doesn't Uncle Ted give the Braves enough $$$ to hire someone to do that for him?

  • I'll join your cult, provided that I can have a title of reasonable stature. I'm thinking, maybe starting with Deputy Undergod would be appropriate. There are numerous advantages for you:

    When you reach a certain number of recruits, you will need somebody to assist in the brainwashing. To fall behind would reflect poorly upon you.

    Having high ranking positions below you affirms your stature as leader of the cult. Anybody can have hectares of followers blindly worshipping them and doing their bidding, but a truly powerful cult leader has assistants.

    And you can keep the used tubes of K-Y jelly.
    • In that same vein of thought (pun definitely intended), I would like to request the position of "Chancellor of Demented Thoughts and Dreams".

      Why "and Dreams"? Because it sounds less demonic / propagandistic. Helps with the entire propaganda thing you see. . . . . :-D

      Oh, I would submit a formal application;

      but I rolled it into a thin tube, soaked it in formaldehyde, coated the end of it with KY jelly, and shoved it down some guys prick.

      (err, this is a demonic cult right? I mean I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression or anything. . . . ;) )
  • My motorcycle leather has been relegated to the back fo the closet by the wife... a new patch or two is just what I need to get things "running" again.

    Who needs a motorcycle when you have a honda civic?!

    (and yes, that would be a DX!)

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