i had more depression trying to work for a living than i do collecting social security. when you face insurmountable problems there is a lot of depression... when you don't realize you're causing the insurmountable problems it leads to failed suicide attempts because lets face it, you're gonna try pills and you'll do it wrong.
i am better now and i am on medicine. it feels good to be alive now. and the only problems i face are ones me or others put before me. and since i am not fabricating evil self destructive thought with no one to stop it, well i can actually do things to feel good about now. i was very very depressed when i was younger because i played out in my mind doing bad things to people, the darker my thoughts the worse i felt but at the time it felt like striking out against the world the man etc. when i put the pieces together i realized i was actually sabatoging my own well being it took a long time, because in my social life i looked for the 'right words to say' instead of the 'right way to tell people what you want from them' so there was a lot of darkness in my life because i was causing it. it took time and medication to fix, and now i am much happier. i don't have may friends except online but i am much better now.