My ISP is the cheapest in town. The low cost is good; the 24-7 tech support is great.
Mostly because I get to torture them.
You see, they don't know nearly as much about computers as I do. Granted, sometimes Svartormr's Linux pillow talk gets on my nerves, but at times like this I enjoy using all I've learned from him.
So I call the number, which realized today I know by heart. After navigating the annoying telephone system, I get their automated message:
"This is a critical update for September 24 at 12:30 a.m. Users will not be able to retrieve a new IP at this time. We are working on this problem, with no estimated time of repair."
Funny, they fixed that problem at 01:20. It's now 4:40. But that's another story for another journal entry.
Tech - Welcome to [my ISP] technical support. How may I help you?"
K (that's me) - Hi, I can't retrieve my mail. It tells me my connection is refused.
T - Do you get an error message?
K - Yes. Connection refused to mail.telus.net. Verbatim.
T - Oh, that's an old address. You're supposed to use pop.telus.net now.
K - No one told me that. I'll switch.
T - Are you using Outlook or Outlook express?
K - No, I'm using Mozilla.
T - dead air
K - It's like Netscape.
T - We don't support any mail programs other than Microsoft Outlook or Outlook express.
K - resisting the urge to kill Well, then I'll configure outlook express. Do you know offhand where it is kept on a Windows box? I've never used it.
T - Go to Run, type in M-S-mumble-mumble *pause* mumble dot E-X-E.
K - Pardon?
T - mumble mumble
K - MSINM?
T - M-S-I mumble mumble
K - Mike Sierra Indigo November Mike?
T - M then N
K - Okay, give me a minute while I configure it. pause and typing
T - Are you running a firewall?
K - of course I am.
T - What kind?
K - extremely reluctant to discuss my security measures over the phone A... hardware firewall. But I haven't changed my configurations since it's worked.
T - Okaaaaaay. Because people tell us that a lot, and firewalls are so easy to configure now, you might not know it if you had.
K - Once again, resisting the urge to kill.
long pause while I configure OE
K - It tells me there's an error, too. "The connection to the server has failed. Account: 'pop.telus.net', Server: 'pop.telus.net', Protocol: POP3, Port: 110, Secure(SSL): No, Socket Error: 10061, Error Number: 0x800CCC0E"
T - Well, I guess that's all I can do for you.
K - What!?!
T - Well, that's all we can troubleshoot on your end.
K - Give me a minute and I'll telnet to your mail server via my remote connection to my server.
T - pauses while the wheels turn Okay.
K - types Darn, it didn't work. pause while I mull the error message Oh, that one was my fault. This error usually comes along when I type in my password wrong. Okay, I'm in.
T - Since it's accepting your connection, it must be your mail program.
K - Both of them?
T - That's all we can do on your computer, anyway.
K - So you're going to up this call, right?
T - Well, no one else has called in about this. Usually when people can't access their mail, the switchboard lights up. People like to access their mail.
K - thinking "No shit."
T - It's been an unusually quiet night.
K - Well, except for the 50 person backup on your phone lines 3 hours ago when the whole system went down.
T - pause
K - Because, whenever I call, I'm usually the first person to tell you when YOU have a problem.
T - Well, I'll take down your username.
K - It's D-R-A-K
T - Can you spell that for me?
K - No, that's it spelled out. D-R-A-K
T - Oh, wow. It's been a long time since I've seen a username that small.
I resisted the urge to tell him that is because I've been putting up with their shit for far longer than any other of their customers.