I love how the Onion hits so many nails on the head (It's kinda hard not to hit a nail while wielding a hammer) but in the same, I'm distraught by how many people manage to completely miss the honest satire it provides.

break?

Python with PyGTK or C++ with g++. Just for the name of all that is structural and logical, don't expose the kids to the horrid habits of Visual Basic -- Once you learn a way of doing things, it sticks with you.

I personally own a .net TLD and use it for nothing but the finest of shenanigans.

I still don't see how that justifies him having raunchy photographs of himself on his phone in the first place, unless the iPhone was responsible for that too. (In which case, I would like to exempt from the iStalk features.)

We're being forced to feel the siren, it's rape.

The image is from this webcomic's author's flickr, he just so happens to like redbull a lot.

The irony of this situation is absolutely baffling.