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User Journal

Journal: Verbiage: Some puns 1

Journal by Chacham

Just reviewed tearablepuns.org. I laughed, i cried, they were tear-able.

Here's the ones i liked, some reworded:
  (Yes, i reviewed all of them.)
  (I rejected some because i've heard them before.)

The number 13? Not on my watch!!
What do you call two crows? Attempted murder.
If attacking clowns, go for the juggler.
I gave away my dead batteries free of charge.
I'm still working on a construction joke.
You can't explain a pun to a kleptomaniac. They take things, literally.
I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time
What do you call a herd of giggling cows? Laughing stock.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A Roaming Catholic.
I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
Secretary, please tell the invisible man I can't see him today.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
A boy swallowed some coins. The doctor checked him out and said, "No change yet."
This book on beating gravity is great; i can't put it down!
After surviving mustard gas and pepper spray, he was considered a seasoned veteran.
My flashlight died. I'm delighted.
C, E Flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
Your fingernails are too long. This is getting out of hand!
I _would've_ kept off the grass, but I don't understand sign language.
A guy stayed on a merry-go-round for three days. He set a whirled record.
No one seams to like my jokes about patch work! I've tried sew hard...
When the shoe salesman offered me Velcro shoes, I said, "Sure, why knot?"
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Male deer have buck teeth.
That was a very emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm? He's all right now.
She gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.
She applied at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.
The roundest knight at the Round Table was Sir Cumference. He had too much pi.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Witches' parking only: All others will be toad.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really, it was just a play on words.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
I dyed my hair today. It was the highlight of the week.
About Rosh Hashana: shofar, so good.
My doctor told me to cut down on sodium. I took his advice with a pinch of salt.
The paint catapult won the competition with flying colors.
Never trust atoms. They make up everything.
I can have dinner at a native American restaurant. Who needs reservations?
A pun, at maturity, is fully groan.
As a couple, oxygen and potassium make are OK.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
Noone laughed when i fell while skating. But the ice sure cracked up.
Pinning pictures on a bulletin board seems a bit tacky.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
The calendar's days are numbered.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
He often broke into song because when couldn't find the right key.
What's the difference between a democracy and feudalism? In one your vote counts, in the other, your count votes.
The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line.
She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter, but he loved her still.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will remain stationery.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Hungry? A boiled egg is hard to beat.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
The egoist took revenge on another, I for I.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Dreaming in color is a pigment of your imagination.
A pessimist's blood type is B-negative
---
Submitted a couple:

Bobby told Billy he stopped a stampede. That's was the biggest bunch of bull he ever herd.
Useless people online are e-feckless.

User Journal

Journal: Chronicle: New glasses and contacts 3

Journal by Chacham

As i am having a harder time reading things up close, it seemed like a good time to get new glasses. Off to a local optometrist i went, a member of the community, and got my new prescription. I warned him i'd being going to Zenni for the frames, which he seemed to not be enthused about. Though he mentioned the reason being quality, and i do believe he was earnest in his comments, the loss of profit from selling designer frames had to be in the background somewhere.

Zenni isn't as cheap as i thought it would be. I didn't want to get the thick "1.57 Mid-Index Single Vision", base lenses, so i took the recommendation for "1.61 High-Index Single Vision" @ $19.95. As if that wasn't enough, my prescription caused an "extra fee" of $12.00, making the upgrade in lenses a whopping $31.95. That's more than the frames! (The frames were $23.95) Once at it, i splurged for the "Oleophobic (oil and fingerprint resistant) premium anti-reflective coating" @ $14.95, grumbling internally at how (at least some of) this stuff used to be free. The sub-total was $70.85 for that pair, and i took another.

The second frame was the same frame, but absolutely nothing special about the lenses. I figure, it's really the frames that break, not the lenses. And, should i lose my glasses, it's not so bad to wear the thicker lenses whilst waiting for a new pair to arrive. That pair was a (sub-)total of $23.95, lock, stock, and barrel. Over $45 less. Sheesh! and stuff.

The glasses were $94.80 and shipping added $4.95. Luckily, i found a "15% off order over $75" coupon code which removed $14.22, and i got charged $85.53 for the two pair. Not bad, but a whole lot more expensive than i originally thought. (I figured $20-$30 for both!)

The glasses arrived a couple weeks later and work nicely. I showed (shown?) the glasses to my sister, mentioning how the thicker lenses were only noticeably thicker from the side, and even then not that much. She agreed with the former comment, took some issue with the second, and mentioned the reflectivity was different as well. I attribute that to the coating. Later, she mentioned concern that the thicker glasses might weigh more on the nose, meaning comfort could be a concern.

So, the next day, i weighed the glasses. My old glasses weigh in at 27 grams, the thicker lens glasses are 20 grams, and the thinner lens, 19 grams. Holy 1 gram Batman! Is that really real 32 bucks? I think not, and it has been duly noted. (A quick resolve to a weighty decision, you might say.)

I'm still reflecting on the coatings. Well, actually, i'm not. But i kind of think that i might want to think about them at some later time before having to make a decision about a subsequent order. Add a few more words and that might actually represent what i'm feeling. You know what i mean, right?

I called joke-a-day some years ago and remember two. Q: How do you make a cheesepuff? A: Chase it around the block. A cop stopped someone for speeding and asked for his license and registration. Reviewing the license, "Hey, it says here you need glasses." The driver responds, "I have contacts." The cop screams back, "I don't care who you know, you still have to wear your glasses!" Cheesy, punny jokes, who could ask for more?

(Did i just end two paragraphs in a question?)

(Was that three?)

(Stop it already!)

I tried contacts some time ago and didn't like them. Anything trying once is worth trying twice, right? So, i opted for the more expensive exam and a couple weeks later received my Acuvue Oasys lenses. (I picked up the contacts on Monday on the way home from the office, and the new glasses had just arrived in the mail. What luck.) The lady up front showed (shown seems wrong here) me how to put them in and take them out. (No hokey pokey though.) I had a much easier time putting them in, as she put it, i didn't have an issue touching my eye. Taking them out was a pain. She showed me by dragging them down with one finger and then picking them up from the bottom of the eye. I remember pinching them off. And youtube videos show that, and the optometrist confirmed it. Pinching is the way to go. And oh, so much easier.

She told me to wear them 2 hours the first day, and increase by 2 hours every day, for 8 days. This would help me get used to them. (The optometrist told me later the first day could (should?) be 4.) I wore them home for two hours. Things seemed brighter and crisper, but not as clear. The next day at work i realized i could only read by blinking a lot, as things got blurrier immediately after a blink. My right eye has a harder time reading (optometrist suggested it could be due to a bad prescription when i was younger, causing my brain to develop it only so far) but reading on the computer was hard. I could do it when i leaned close(ly?) to it. Large or further away letter were not such a problem. I looked online, i scheduled an appointment, and saw the doctor the next day.

A reading test showed (bah!) what he expected, my right eye was weaker. He was surprised i couldn't read the bottom line. He looked into the eyes and saw nothing wrong with the contacts or my eyes, it was not rotating out of its orientation, and suggested i had a problem that is rare for soft lenses, and very rare for this brand. Apparently, i'm his second case ever. I forget the name for it (it's a simple name) but the lens cups up over the eye leaving a spaces between the eye and the lens. Blinking flattens it which is why it gets better. This is really an issue that crops up with hard lenses. IIRC, he said It can also be sen by the optometrist. However, in soft lenses, the effect would be too small to be seen, and as such, he has to rely on my reports.

So, he got another sample set of contacts. Different brand, though also silicon hydrogel and toric. For the right eye he found an exact match. The left eye is too strong a prescription for him to keep in stock, so he gave me something else and compensated with a lens from his drawer. (Math works?) Reading test with the right eye showed no difference, that is, the same issue existed. The left eye was showing me double vision. (Guess not.) The lens was bad. Off with its head! He got me another. The same issue existed (no, not the double vision, silly), and he had no more brands to try.

After touching upon the difference between silicon hydrogel and hydrogel lenses, he explained that silicon seems to be better (more breathable), and as it has been the product of choice for some years now, advances in anti-rotation have gone to it. Rotation is a problem for toric lenses. So the hydrogel lenses might rotate a little. Nonetheless, that was what i should try, and he said he would order two, no three, sample sets for me to try. He also went into expense, and how it should affect if i want fortnight or monthlies, but i pushed that away as i have not yet decided if i want to wear contacts or even how often. I'm trying to see how it goes, and i have too little information to go on. And now i am not sure if anything will work anyway!

So, it's back to glasses for the next week.

[After posting this, i saw the tagline: Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter Weird,

BTW, the latest changes made slashdot uglier, but i'm seeing faster page load times. Maybe it was worth it.]

Windows

Journal: One year since XP OEL. 6

Journal by jawtheshark
Do you realize that XP was EOLed exactly one year ago?
I know many XP machines still chugging around peacefully without problems: No XPcalypse happened. This entirely fits my predictions.

XP was a (had become) a mature operating system. I abhor the fetish of "newer is better" that reigns in our industry.

User Journal

Journal: nettin_pure: Gone?

Journal by johndiii
nettin_pure seems to have stopped updating his journal. Sad; it was a constant in a changing Slashdot. It will be missed.

In any case: Happy birthday, nettin_pure. I hope the day has been a very good one. LÃ breithe sona duit!
User Journal

Journal: Does #OccupyResoluteDesk Read Slashdot? 52

Journal by smitty_one_each

He reminded Republicans that some of the ideas behind the Affordable Care Act--most notably its individual mandate to buy coverage--were once supported by some conservatives, although its Medicaid expansion and some other big parts of the law stem more from liberal thought.
"The Affordable Care Act pretty much was their plan before I adopted it," he said.

It sounds as though he's snorting the same Drano as some I could name here.
Yeah, one time some Heritage dudes said something semi-fungible, so I guess that lets the No-Talent Rodeo Clown off the hook for what's among the more expensive cock-ups in human history. Or something.
A cleaner non-argument would be that Republicans use the Roman alphabet, and all five reams of the PooPoo-cACA itself* were composed in the Roman alphabet**.
The broader point is that this country is an experiment in self-government, and the time has arrived to admit that Hayek is correct, and the Progressive Project (both Republican and Democrat flavors) just needs to be scuttled in favor of simpler systems empowering individuals in their liberty. You either support that, or I oppose you.

*To say nothing of the ensuing reams of regulation--would that they were reduced to nothing!
**For all it could have as well been a simple Klingon translation, for all anyone who cast a vote to hang this albatross about our necks actually read the Mike Foxtrot.

User Journal

Journal: Document: DRI displayed differently

Journal by Chacham

In order to get a better picture of DRI and related information for vitamins and minerals, i started a Google Doc: Vitamin and Minerals DRI and related

It's incomplete, may have errors, and only for Males, 31-50. Though, i would add more if it weren't so tedious. The source material for most of the information comes as separate documents, or one that has all the sheets together, albeit with a different orientation. This focuses on matching up the EAR/RI pair or AI (those are mutually exclusive) with the TL, if any. Plus, it makes the other units used more clear. IIUC, many labels misrepresent folic acid because they ignore the DFE. Having the IU as a number right by it also helps.

Then there's the little notes. Why don't we use D1? (It was a mistaken label. It was found later to be D2 and another chemical.) Why are Potassium tablets 99mg or less? (FDA regulation) What is the difference between Cartenoids and Retinoids? (Retinoids are Vitamin A, Cartenoids are Provitamin A, meaning they are converted to Vitamin A as required.) Little notes i'm picking up to help things make sense. Interests come in bursts, but if anyone else is interested, that would likely change.

The document is available to anyone with the link, but not editable. Please let me know if you are interested.

User Journal

Journal: Verbiage: 42 is here 9

Journal by Chacham

Last night, as the calendar shifted to 27 Adar, i became 42. My birthday is actually in Adar 1, but not being a leap year, there's no intercalary month, so its just plain Adar.

42 is cool and all, but as each year passes, i care less and less about birthdays. It's not more than just getting older. It's about understanding things, realizing how stupid young people are (like i was, back then) and just a general non caring. Life simply is.

In other news, slashdot is changing styles again and overall is slower and looks clunky. I feel some odd attachment to writing JEs once in a while, perhaps to justify my almost two decades since first checking it out. has it really been that long? I wonder if i would attend a slashdot meetup. Probably not. It's sounds great on paper though.

You're not still reading this, are you?

User Journal

Journal: Thoughts for the Day... 11

Journal by RailGunner
Jeb Bush is the candidate for Republican Primary Voters who want to vote for a less masculine version of Hillary Clinton.

Speaking of Hillary... KFC has a new "Ready For Hillary For Lunch!" promo - you get a box containing two huge thighs, two small breasts, and a left wing. You have to bring your own server though.

Barack Obama completed his NCAA bracket. Joe Biden completed the NIT bracket. In it, he has the Dallas Cowboys beating Manchester United in the Final game.

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." -- Mark Twain

Working...