you fat bastard
You'll be hearing from my lawyer who specializes in UK libel law.
There's no such thing as "UK law"; there's different (but similar) systems in England and Wales and Northern Ireland (both common law jurisdictions). Scotland has a mixed civil/common law system and its own institutions and methods.
I don't think "punitive damages" exist outside the USA. (It's a stupid concept: if people need to be punished they should be punished with a fine, paid to the state, after a criminal trial.)
Correct. No punitive damages under England and Wales or Scots law.
2 pints = 1 Cavort