There's a few things that "freak me out". Things that cause so irrational a response, yet i feel nearly helpless to do anything, as approaching the subject makes it even worse.
The one that happened today was the twin egg. That is, i cracked the shell of a egg and found two yolks. That really gets to me. To add even more, i was checking the eggs for blood spots, so i was still holding the shell. I basically droppped the two pieces of shell (with the yolks) into the bowl, dump it in the sink, threw out the bowl, and walked away to calm down.
Mold does the same thing to me. But that's at least somewhat explainable. I once kept a white bread in a hot area. It grew white mold all over it. I didn't realize this until about half way through, and i felt like throwing up. Even though i didn't get sick, and the bread was very soft, the mere thought of eating mold scares me. Now, even the slightest hint of mold will make me throw away food.
So, there was the time i stored pizza sauce in the opened can (with either a foil cover or a plastic bag) in the refrigerator (what a weird name). Yeah, bad thing, but i didn't know that then. I was holding the can when i noticed the amount of mold in it. I began to shake, i quickly ran to the garbage, dropped it, and needed to calm down.
It's just so irrational.
I know eggs come from chickens. I have no issue with eating it. G-d said we should. Yet, certain foods almost scream out to me that they were once living animals, and i just can't handle that. Sure, i can handle other people eating it. With that i have absolutely no problem. But the thought of *me* eating it, gets to me. Specifically, the thought of something that was once alive going down my throat, really makes me sick. Chewing on it doesn't bother me. Intravenous probably wouldn't bother me. In fact, if i chewed it, and then had a doctor put it into my stomach i doubt i'd even flinch. Yet going down my throat gets to me. Irrational. At this applies to different foods.
With beef i have no issue unless someone is there saying "dead cow". Which is both not good for me (makes me stop, and feel like vomitting) and not good for him (it is bad character trait to see and speak bluntly, without care).
Yet with chicken, i am extremely sensitive. When i was younger, i stopped eating it for some time, because i just couldn't down it. I tried and tried, and it wouldn't work. It's as if the idea that it was once alive is embedded in its texture, and that is very hard to ignore. Yet, while mentally repeating the mantra G-d said its OK, i eventually got back into it. More recently though (probably about a year ago) someone reminded me of my erstwhile resistance while i was eating some chicken. I couldn't not continue eating, and haven't touched chicken since. Even the thought of it makes me sick. Yet, i can have chicken soup. Guess its the loss of texture. Amazing.
Eggs are further removed. Here i am about to eat a salami and eggs. I have no issue with the salami, and none with the egg. I'm even checking the eggs for blood spots! Yet, it's the twins that make it real. And to think, these could have never been real chickens anyway.
If i wan't religious, i'd be vegetarian. And not because of rights, rather, because i just wouldn't be able to do it.
(If you're reading this, and you know me, please do not bring it up. I don't want to hear about it. It only makes it worse. Even if...? Yes, even if. Comments here in this JE, though, are welcome.)