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Captain Splendid's Journal: Well Fuck 13

Journal by Captain Splendid
Apart from the fact that I enjoy it immensely, as well as being cheaper and much less hangover-y than alcohol, there is a central reason why I smoke pot.

Ignorance is bliss.

I figured, given a long enough timeline, that I would be able to eventually reduce my above-average intelligence to something a little...happier.

And now I learn that marijuana's effects on the brain have been overstated:

In other words, the amount of pot consumed had no measurable impact on cognitive performance.

Fuck. I'm too old and too much of a pothead to start any kind of serious drinking program.

I'm too rational to start a meth lab. I mean, If I'm going to go to all that trouble, I'm better off building that coffee table I keep promising my wife.

I hate needles, so no heroin, and I'm cheap, so forget cocaine. Some of the OTC opiates are quite nice, and I've plenty of compliant doctors at my disposal, but the middle-age white guy with a stash of Ativan or Oxy is even more cliche than the pothead, so thanks but no thanks.

Could be worse, I suppose. At least I can get still get high.

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Well Fuck

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  • I would be able to eventually reduce my above-average intelligence

    ... if by "above-average" you mean "barely sentient", dumbass.



    Fuck you, Captain Splenda!


    ... posted in memoriam of Red4man, 1973-2011.
  • What? No acid?

    • Pain in the ass to get, at least in mushroom form, since, after very disappointing results, I'm not even bothering with the blotter crap ever again. My brother-in-law has the hookup, but we're not going to see him 'til Xmas, so I do have a Winter 2012 long weekend spent tripping on the schedule.
      • by chill (34294)

        You might want to take up gardening, then.

        Or, legally, home brewery. You could mail-order your supplies and just brew your own beer.

      • by mcgrew (92797) *

        Do you have any cows nearby? If so, when it's 75=85 F around sunrise go 'shroom hunting. Psilocybin grows on cow pies.

  • Fuck. I'm too old and too much of a pothead to start any kind of serious drinking program.

    What the mind can believe, the will can conceive.

    I think you're selling yourself short. With sufficient effort and a fair amount of training, I'm betting you could achieve a problem-status level of drinking.

    It's a long road, but the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single pint.

    As someone whose drinking and weed-smoking days are behind him, I will be rooting for you.

    • Similar to what I said to chill above, I live in nowheresville. (The fact that I can get decent pot at a decent price says more about pot than the craphole I live in.)

      If I could get decent Guinness, I could probably get a drinking habit started again, but I'm lucky if I can find the canned version now and again in one of the local stores.
  • This means that guy I used to work with (known as "Hank the Blank") was just stupid, not chemically impaired. It's slightly depressing that big an idiot could exist naturally.

  • Need I say more?

    Oh, and acid comes from a fungus, not a mushroom...

    • by mcgrew (92797) *

      Mushrooms are fungi. However, you're right -- LSD comes from the ergot fungus. He was referring to hallucinogenics in general, I think. 'Shrooms are far less unpleasant than LSD can be.

  • If you really want to kill brain cells, there are a few options:

    1. Alcohol. Drinking never raised anybody's IQ. Patty says she thinks the reason I drink is match the intelligence of the people around me.
    2. Go to Yahoo news and read the comments. Guaranteed to lower your IQ
    3. Enter politics
    4. Get into the advertising field, where you "don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle."
    5. Start using Microsoft products

    You'll know you've succeeded in your IQ lowering quest when you actually spend money on a product from Sony.

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner. - Calvin Keegan

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