To be honest, a fully functional 100 megahertz/ 16 megabyte machine today would be awesome. You don't really need a powerful machine for school-related work. Unless you're running intensive weather simulations or something. A 2009 laptop will work just as good in 2018, provided it doesn't break down.
However, it is true that you don't really need laptops for learning. Laptops are highly overrated for education in my opinion.
"legitimate e-mail marketing"
Sorry, there is no such thing.
Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.