all legal means necessary
When did the GOP see that as a restriction? You guys have been willing to shit all over the constitution and then some in the name of preventing the "wrong" people from ascending to hold the reigns of power.
Money spent on food is always returned, shelter, transportation. Where does it stop? Marxism.
No. Marxism is not free food for all. You may want to consider reading his writings - they are easy to find freely available online - to see where you got it wrong and how far off you are with that statement.
The government doesn't make the investment, tax payers do.
That's a matter of perspective.
a crushing, wildly inefficient, mindless, uncaring government bureaucracy
In the specific case of health care - and Bernie Sanders and I are both open proponents of single-payer health care - it has been shown time and again that the system we have in the USA currently is vastly more crushing, inefficient, and uncaring of a bureaucracy than any government-run program in the world anywhere today. In fact, that corporate bureaucracy is a big part of why consumers in the USA pay more per capita for health care than any other nation on earth, and get quite nearly nothing to show for it (with the exception of some extremely wealthy health care executives).
In the case of education, there has not been a for-profit institution yet of higher education that has managed to actually manage resources more effectively than the current public and private institutions in the USA. Could they do better? Absolutely, but the for-profit groups have not found a way to do better.
let's just tax the shit out of the top 1%
Actually, the budgets generally call for just increasing the tax rates for the top 1% to equal the tax rates paid by the rest of the country. The current tax code is heavily invested in the mythology that leaving those elites alone and leaving them with more of "their" money they will create lots of jobs and opportunity for the rest of the country; we know from the past couple decades that this simply is not true.
free shit for the 99%
No, there is no promise of "free shit". It is understood that everything from a socialist structure is paid for and has limits. Free college won't mean you can spend 8 years working on a liberal arts degree. Health care will be paid for by taxes (which will actually result in a large decrease in per capita spending on health care).
For comparison, you don't think that the invasion of Iraq was provided for free, do you? Granted some of the cheerleaders back then told us that it would eventually pay for itself, but hardly anyone took them seriously.
a socialist trying to give away free everything to anybody
Sanders is not trying to "give away" anything. Nobody who supports Sanders expects to get things for "free", either. He openly states that taxes will have to go up or other parts of the budget will have to be cut. However, Sanders supporters are intelligent enough to realize that these are - absolutely and without challenge - the best investments that the government can possibly make. Money spent in prisons is never recouped. Money spent on education is recouped on average 5-10 times over (and often much more than that). Money spent on war is almost all lost. Money spent on health care is almost always returned.
The only people who think that Sanders is going to "give away" anything for "free" are the people who hate him too much to bother listening to what he actually says.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.