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User Journal

Journal: Quotes and jokes

Journal by Adrian Voinea
Just a bunch of stuff I find interesting or amusing. Comments/additions are welcome :)

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.


A friend would bail you out of jail - a best friend would be sitting in the cell next to you saying "was that fuckin' awesome or what?"


So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".


It pains me to think that, by the mere act of typing, I am crushing millions upon millions of amoebae and bacteria living on my keyboard with more intellectual capacity and evolutionary potential than you.


A Mine Is A Terrible Thing To Step On


Baby On Board (hostage in trunk)


I can't give you a brain, so I'll give you a diploma - the wizard of oz


It's just a Freudian slip. You know, like when you say one thing and mean your mother...


Provigal extends your day, Viagra extends your performance, Now I can bonk all night long without falling asleep.


The only product that Microsoft could make that wouldn't suck is a vacuum cleaner.


"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is."


This virus works on the honor system:
If you're running a variant of Unix or Linux, please forward this message to everyone you know and delete a bunch of your files at random.


X = Y
X^2 = XY
X^2-Y^2 = XY-Y^2
(X+Y)(X-Y)= Y(X-Y)
X+Y = Y
2Y = Y
2 = 1


Proof that girls are evil:

1. First we state that girls require time and money:
Girls = Time * Money

2. And We all know "time is money":
Time = Money

3. Therefore:
Girls = Money * Money = (Money)^2

4. And because "Money is the root of all evil":
Money = Sqrt (Evil)

5. Therefore:
Girls = Sqrt(Evil)^2

6. And we are forced to conclude:
Girls = Evil


First they came for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up,
because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up,
because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up,
because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time there was no one
left to speak up for me.

After Goliath's defeat, giants ceased to command respect. - Freeman Dyson