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User Journal

Journal: Quotes and jokes

Journal by Adrian Voinea
Just a bunch of stuff I find interesting or amusing. Comments/additions are welcome :)

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

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A friend would bail you out of jail - a best friend would be sitting in the cell next to you saying "was that fuckin' awesome or what?"

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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It pains me to think that, by the mere act of typing, I am crushing millions upon millions of amoebae and bacteria living on my keyboard with more intellectual capacity and evolutionary potential than you.

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A Mine Is A Terrible Thing To Step On

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Baby On Board (hostage in trunk)

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I can't give you a brain, so I'll give you a diploma - the wizard of oz

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It's just a Freudian slip. You know, like when you say one thing and mean your mother...

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Provigal extends your day, Viagra extends your performance, Now I can bonk all night long without falling asleep.

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The only product that Microsoft could make that wouldn't suck is a vacuum cleaner.

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"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is."

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YOU HAVE NOW RECEIVED THE UNIX VIRUS -
This virus works on the honor system:
If you're running a variant of Unix or Linux, please forward this message to everyone you know and delete a bunch of your files at random.

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X = Y
X^2 = XY
X^2-Y^2 = XY-Y^2
(X+Y)(X-Y)= Y(X-Y)
X+Y = Y
2Y = Y
2 = 1

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Proof that girls are evil:

1. First we state that girls require time and money:
Girls = Time * Money

2. And We all know "time is money":
Time = Money

3. Therefore:
Girls = Money * Money = (Money)^2

4. And because "Money is the root of all evil":
Money = Sqrt (Evil)

5. Therefore:
Girls = Sqrt(Evil)^2

6. And we are forced to conclude:
Girls = Evil

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First they came for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up,
because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up,
because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up,
because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time there was no one
left to speak up for me.

"Those who will be able to conquer software will be able to conquer the world." -- Tadahiro Sekimoto, president, NEC Corp.

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