Despair Suing 7,000,000 Email Users Over :-(

Calle Ballz writes "According to an article on Despair's Website, they are suing 7,000,000 email users over trademark infringment for using the :-( 'emoticon'. I can't tell if it is a joke or not, I would like for it to be. The trademark registration is valid and is listed here. *sigh*" I would just like to say that our use of :-) is covered by fair usage. And that this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.Update: 01/26 04:18 PM by H :Check out the press release about it - that's one of the best pieces of satire I've seen in a while. Kudos to Despair for making a mockery of trademarks. Update: 01/29 04:52 PM by CT : Apparently a bunch of retarded Slashdot readers couldn't discern that this was parody and mailed despair to complain. Little itchy on the flaming finger guys? Here's the NY Times story

Re:Come on, critical thinking, people.

You might have also been tipped off by:

Despair has also petitioned the court to require defendants to submit a handwritten letter which repeats the phrase ":-( is a registered trademark of Despair, Inc." one-thousand times.

Or the blatantly faked picture of the CEO with Jeff Bezos.

Great article!

-m

my feelings on the matter...

:-(

What really sucks is...

... rather than read the whole page I went to lexis-nexis to see if despair had in fact filed any suits in U.S. District court. They hadn't.

hmmm is :( diluting their trademark?

better watch out, or they'll sue you for that too!

i smell a segfault article on this.....

Re:What really sucks is...

... rather than read the whole page I went to lexis-nexis to see if despair had in fact filed any suits in U.S. District court. They hadn't.

Rather than go to Lexis/Nexis to find out of Despair really sued 7,000,000 people based on their e-mails harvested from Carnivore, I just thought about it for about...oh....maybe .0000001 second and figured it out myself.

the Cat bit

The truly scary part to *me* is that they *DID* grant a patent to two people from Arlington VA for a "method to exercise a cat" using a laser pointer.

Which brings me to my next question.. if they can patent an action, can I patent masturbation? Think of the money maker there!

Maeryk

Re:Come on, critical thinking, people.

Damn, and here I was getting ready to put the frowny on T-shirts and use the T-shirts as free speech argument to defend myself in court!

Re:What's really sad

The trademark *is* real. The lawsuit is not. I could tell that much from reading the bit on the front page of /. The key to the whole joke is that the trademark is real and while they don't work at Despair there are people [cmgi.com] out there who if they had thought of it would do the lawsuit. In fact I would not be surprised to see a similar but real thing in the near future.

Re::-( Symbol

They can kiss my (_!_)

The next thing you know ...

... someone will try to trademark an expression as banal as "Good Dog!"

Oh, someone [puppyfarm.com] did.

But I think it's another joke.

"In order to be inherently distinctive, the trade dress must be either arbitrary or suggestive..."

(Cmdr)Taco Cabana Int'l, Inc. v. Two Pesos, Inc.
932 F.2d 1113 (5th Cir. 1991)

All trolls, please send your check to . . .

I have just registered the trademark "Anonymous Coward." All who wish to post to Slashdot using that name should send US$1 to me for each use. Pay pal accepted.

"Never underestimate the power...

of stupid people in large groups."

Some people don't seem to get this is a joke. According to today's SJ Mercury, some people have been writing hate mail to Despair about it.

Here's the link (see bottom of page)

http://www0.mercurycenter.com/svtech/reports/gmsv/

:-( to be henceforth known as 'the "Work'" redux: Those of you unsettled by an item in Thursday's column discussing Despair.com's alleged trademarking of the :-( emoticon, take note: the article was satirical, as was my discussion of it. There's no need to lambaste Despair.com and its CEO Justin Sewell.

[An email from Despair follows]

John

Thanks for your recent mention of our :-( trademark story in your "Good Morning Silicon Valley" column.

It is somewhat unclear to me from reading your recent write-up whether or not you were aware that the article regarding the frown emoticon was a parody story. If you were aware of this, please forgive me for this email.

Your article does state that we are satirists -- but afterwards seems to treat the matter of the lawsuit as though it were not a satirical gag. This seems to have created some confusion amongst the readership of your column, some of whom have contacted us in outrage asking passionately for their names to be added to the list of those we intend to sue. Heroic gestures, to be sure, but ultimately as futile as grabbing the family shotgun to fend off a Martian invasion being reported by Orson Wells.

Best regards,
Justin Sewell, CEO
Despair, Inc.

sad, really

An acquaintance of mine ran an (unsuccessful) t-shirt business a few years ago. one of his lines were Ts with the emoticons printed on them.

He registered for and recieved copyright on all the emoticons.

I sent him a copy of the story, but the sarcasm must have whizzed over his head. He sent this cease and decist letter to despair:

To Whom it may concern,

Be aware that the :-( symbol has been copywrited previous to your use as a trademark. The use of this symbol as graphic art (ie. T-shirts, posters, mugs, etc.) will be considered copywrite infringement. Please contact me if you wish to use this symbol in any context. If this symbol is being used in this context current you are to cease and desist.

Thank You,
[name omitted purposely to protect the guilty]

Pathetic, isn't it?

Re:Actually, hemos, it shows what's right...

Trademarks are in general a good thing, they at some level protect us the consumers. Or at least they are suposed to. When you see a red can with "Coca-Cola" written on it you know that it really is "Coca-Cola" and not something else. No one but the Coca-Cola company has a right to sell a can of stuff called "Coca-Cola". You can sell "MyCola" all you want and even put it in a red can.

Similarly many things like endorcements that you see on products (Such as the Circle-U on foods or the ADA label on toothpaste) Can only work due to trademarks.

Now I will admit in some cases the Enforcement of trademarks has gone to far.

Re:What's really sad

No intelligent people ever believed that the trademark holder was going to sue 7,000,000 email users. Only people with a mental deficiency (the inability to recognize even the most blatantly obvious heavy-handed satire as such unless they literally read the words "this is satire") are fooled by such things.

Unfortunately several of the Slashdot editors suffer from said mental deficiency, as do way too many Slashdot readers.

slashdot trademarked /. (and other observations)

See for your selves. [uspto.gov]

On a separate note...

I am AMAZED at how many idiots there are that don't seem to be able to realize that this story is MAKING FUN OF FRIVILOUS LAWSUITS by PRETENDING TO BE ONE.

I have to revise my opinion of the average intelligence of the readership of slashdot WAAAAAY down.

Ask yourself, outraged nimrods, if you really believe the following things are TRUE.

1) A company that sells PARODY products is actually working with the FBI to MONITOR YOUR EMAIL.
2) The PARODY company in question is SERIOUSLY planning to sue 7,000,000 people.
3) The founder of that company is SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING changing his name to :-(
4) The SAME person also is suing JEFF BEZOS for infringing on a trademark.
5) The DISCLAIMER at the bottom of the story is actually NOT TRUE.

Did you read any of the OTHER STORIES [despair.com] on the website?

Do you REALLY believe they are partnering with Yahoo [despair.com] to create BOOHOO.COM- a portal for miserable people?
Do you REALLY believe Noah Wylie is the interim CEO of FUTURE POWER [despair.com]


The only story on their entire site that I might ACTUALLY believe is the one about selling 5000 Apathy posters to Fry's [despair.com]. That I believe.

Come on, critical thinking, people.

From the writeup, "I can't tell if this is a joke or not."

From the page itself, Articles and items appearing in our "Recent Spin" are satirical and are not intended to be an accurate portrayal of the persons, companies or events depicted within them.

This is SATIRE. Put on your thinking caps, people, or geez, read the whole thing! The CEO also claims he's considering changing his legal name to the frowney emoticon. Yeah right.

What's really sad

Yeah, it's funny, until you realize that the current state of intellectual property law is so egregious that intelligent people might actually believe a trademark would be granted for the emoticon, and that the trademark holder might actually sue 7,000,000 email users.