The laser was meant to drill a hole in his head but someone set it to "Stun". Give it a second to charge up and I'll bring up back into conformance with the treaty...

Now bullies are going to beat them up to take their fingerprints. That might be less fun.

A Darwinian solution to the problem is right on track!

Hey! It COULD work! If everyone had 30cm lips! They'll use Steve Tyler for the proof of concept!

"So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure, how amazingly unlikely is your birth. And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!"

Arrays in C++ start at 0. I'm pretty sure you can set a pointer into the middle of the array in C++ and do this by indexing the pointer. I know you can do it in C -- a couple companies ago I deployed something that did that into production code, mainly to keep the design review board on their toes. They weren't, and it got deployed that way. I thought it made more sense that way anyway, so I never mentioned it. It's entirely possible it's already confused the hell out of a code maintenance guy, but hopefully he'll think it makes more sense that way too.

Sends an alert when you're in too deep. Version 1 doesn't do anything due to a developer's misunderstanding of the requirements.

Pff. You sound like the kind of person who would want to make a phone call on your phone. They don't like your type, down at the Apple Store!

You could apply hardware to the DRIVER that prevents them from texting while driving. That seems to work more effectively than more complicated technical solutions.

I always find that adding any sort of alcohol to coffee always sounds better on paper than it works in practice. I'd rather enjoy my coffee and alcohol separately. The only time I've ever actually had it work was in adding a small amount of Jose Ceuvero Cinge (cinnamon tequila) to Vietnamese coffee. But you could get a similar effect with cinnamon syrup or... just cinnamon. I'm also pretty sure the guy at the local Vietnamese restaurant would murder me if he saw me adding tequila or cinnamon to his coffee. He seems to take it pretty seriously.

I won't be happy until my MacBook is small enough to comfortably rest on my pinkie-nail and my iPhone is as big as a Monolith! An iMonolith! The ad campaign can have a bunch of monkeys dancing around it. Yeah.

I needed a good laugh. I suppose as a potential investor, I'm happy to know that his company is woefully unprepared to compete in a rapidly-evolving marketplace. It's kind of surprising to encounter such honesty in this day and age. Of course, he probably doesn't realize that he just admitted his company is woefully unprepared to compete in a rapidly-evolving marketplace, but that's one of the root causes of them being woefully unprepared to compete in this marketplace, isn't it?

Hey, you know where you might be able to get some Chinese biotech researchers for cheap? Alibaba!

Hey, you know where might be a good place to get some Chinese biotech researchers for cheap? Alibaba!

Should there be an ice bucket challenge for Ebola? I'm sure if we had one of those, it would be sorted out in a jiffy!

I have a hypothesis that in a western hospital, the survival rate might be a bit more than 50%, too. We don't have a large sample size to judge by, yet.