My friend is an alcoholic. Years ago he was pissing on a tree in San Francisco near an elementary school. It was after the bars closed on a Saturday morning so I doubt any children were ever in danger of seeing my friend's wang.

A cop pulled up, saw my friend and put him through the whole hands up thing. (Unfortunately my friend is also a total smart-ass to anyone in authority when drunk.) He was arrested and charged with indecent exposure and lewd behaviour within 100 yrds of an elementary school. He was about to be fucked royally.

My friend went before the judge, who fortunately recognized that my friend is a drunk who was taking a piss at 2am. He came very close to having his life fucked.

I was surprised at the basic ineptitude of most of the climbers. There were logjams at ladders because people didn't know how to negotiate them and other climbers are literally yelling at others "you incompetent fuck!" etc. etc...

A few years ago there was a Korean expedition to specifically remove the body of another Korean climber who died. These 6 climbers moved the body 100 yards in 5 hours then gave up.

Moving a body is too hard.

Damn.

They should've made all the kids sign an NDA.

It seems he applied the old surgeon's maxim:

Watch one, Do one, Teach one.

My mom enrolled me in computer summer school. Mainly because I was too young to stay home while she was at work.

Anyways, at this 'summer camp', they introduced us to terms like "Quality" and "Assurance" They sat the more promising students in a separate room doing QA and filing bug reports for a children's software maker.

It was basically a QA sweatshop. I was filing bug reports and turning them into the "teacher/manager". I began getting stressed about deadlines and shit. I was 10.

Many of the parents, including mine, were happy we were working on state of the art Apple IIs. I told my mom what we were doing and she said "Sounds like fun."

They wouldn't get away with that shit today.

Hell, I'm an alcoholic and drank heavily throughout my twenties. (And worked at various dot-coms in the good-old days. Was fired from a couple less liberal environments for showing up drunk in the morning. (I'm reminded of Lionel Hutz, who offers Marge a drink and pulls out a bottle. She says "It's 9am!" And he says "That's all right, I haven't slept for days." That was me.))

Anyways, I was a complete dick. I said really hurtful things to people. Sometimes people come up to me and say "hey, remember when you said 'blah blah blah' to George?" No. I really don't. I'm an alcoholic.

If you could be convicted for being a complete and utter asshole IRL, I would be in jail right now. Serving out a sentence for things I don't even remember doing.

(I quit drinking 4 years ago and am doing much better thank you.)

If you're not in America you wouldn't really get gun culture here. Many people think that when the government starts knocking on doors to take people's guns, that's the time we're going to need them the most. And I don't really disagree with them, although I've never even fired a gun. (I will get one for the zombie apocalypse though--which is about as real to me as another American Revolution would be, maybe even more real.)

The gun owners I know are responsible enthusiasts. In fact, I've never even known a person who's been shot, or had a family memeber shot, contrary to what you might hear about the US.

I recently had a mind-blowing conversation with the new maintenance guy. He's got one of those macho, forceful personalities that can't withstand criticism or anything against what he 'knows'. (Actual conversation. I wrote it down after to keep it fresh.)

Anyways, we were talking about the internet. He says "I read the internet all the time. I keep up on all the news. "

Then he says "You know those two Google guys are gay right?"

I say "Well, one is married and the other is about to be married. So unless they're on the Downlow, I don't think they're gay."

He says "Oh, I mean those two YouTube guys. And the Myspace guys. You know Google owns Myspace right?"

I say "Well, Google bought YouTube, but I don't think they have anything to do with MySpace."

He says "Yeah, Google bought MySpace. Anyways, those guys are gay. And I was also reading about the inventor of the internet!"

(I"m thinking "Tim Berners-Lee???? DARPA??? Who is he going to say is the inventor of the internet?)

He says" Yeah the inventor of the internet---MARK CUBAN."

I'm flabbergasted. Mark Cuban.

I say "Mark Cuban sold the site called Broadcast.com and became a billionaire. But he didn't invent the internet."

He says "Yeah he invented the BROWSER."

I say "I don't think he invented the browser. The first browser was called MOSAIC and invented by a bunch of specialists working for a university or the government or something."

He says "No he invented the internet.

I don't know what to say at this point and just say "uhhhhhhhh....ok.....Looks like you've been doing a lot of reading the internets."

419 no be thief, its just a game
Everybody dey play

419 is just a game,
you are the loser I am the winner
I go chop your dollar, I go take your money disappear.